Who Do I Think I Am??

This one's about the season of gifting.

Good evening people...'tis the season and all! In the grand spirit of miscommunication, and the cancellation of an evening's worth of finishing my Christmas shopping, I'm presenting you with "Who Do I Think I Am??" 's first annual Gift Giving Guide! Offbeat, delightful treats for friends and family members who might not be "all there" be a little difficult to shop for.

THE SPORTS FAN:

Nobody likes to get socks for Christmas. It's a known fact. Santa's elves make toys, not clothes. However, these might be some of the most enjoyable socks you'll find: http://www.hockeysockey.com/Home.htm

How about one of the most beloved, if not damning, and favorite childhood backyard sports? I didn't know there was an actual rule book...it's true! Or that you can buy balls in volume? Or that it's probably still as cheap now as it was when I was a kid? One thing is certain...I probably still cannot hit a curveball. http://www.nomas-nyc.com/19-wiffle-ball

Say, does your sports fan like to have an occasional beverage? I know a few who do! Why settle for the plain beer soda coozie just like everyone else, when you can rep your team and give your beverage a little style in one of these: http://www.fanmugonline.com/ (Notice the curious omission of a certain Buffalo football franchise...just because us fans can't have a good team doesn't mean we can't drown our sorrows in a fancy mug!)

THE MUSIC FAN:

Your concert-going buddy has outlived the memories of that show you guys went to twenty years ago...and he's outgrown the shirt, too. And since he had to get a shirt at every show he went to, he's got a drawer full of shirts that no longer rock past his rolls. Problem? No way! Go here, and he'll thank you forever! http://www.campusquilt.com/

Does your rock star wannabe fancy him- or herself a glass of wine once in awhile? That's nice. But why give anyone a glass of wine when you can give them a whole bottle? And why give them just a bottle at Christmas time when you can give them wine all year long? Just stop reading this...no, keep reading this, and then go here: http://www.winesthatrock.com/

Like to sing, but can never find a microphone handy when that Lady Gaga-like inspiration hits? No problem! Never let the urge to wear meat pass you by again with this amazing gadget that plugs directly into your iPhone. Your Facebook fan page will be blowing up with "Likes" in no time! http://www.ikmultimedia.com/irigmic

THAT JERK WHO THINKS HE HAS IT ALL:

There's really no explanation, other than he probably doesn't have this: http://www.clingblings.com/SearchResults.asp?Cat=7

And that jerk doesn't know it yet, but he really needs this: http://www.amazon.com/Assholes-Finish-First-Tucker-Max/dp/1416938745/ref=sr_1_1?...

But really, what this guy needs, is: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r4p8qxGbpOk

THAT CHICK THAT WON'T LEAVE YOU ALONE:

One of these days you'll get her to stop talking about how many diseases she's caught just from watching Jersey Shore. Until then, get her this and boast to all of your friends that you hung Snooki from a tree. http://style.mtv.com/2011/11/23/snooki-holiday-ornament/

Maybe, just maybe, you can kill two birds with one stone...get her sloppy drunk and take advantage of her! Everyone wins! http://happybitchwines.com/

And when all else fails and you've run out of options, this should do the trick... http://divorcelawyersnow.org/

Happy gifting everybody!!

CHRISTMAS MUSICAL BREAK!!

Oh my...Don't ask me what I was doing when I plugged the name of this '80's band into the Youtube search bar. I don't know why I thought a pre-cracked out, pre- "My Perogative" slope Bobby Brown and a pre-"Poison" Bell Biv Devoe and a pre-"one hit wonder" Johnny Gill would have a Christmas song...Youtube, you have not failed me!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ziXb5AWKlRQ

VITAL STATS:

As long as I have the right mix of Dayquil and caffeine, I should be good to go back to work tomorrow. Which is fantastic, since I'll be arriving right in the midst of "Have your kid's picture taken w/ G-Stammta Claus". Maybe I should look into something a little stronger than Dayquil.

It appears Wednesday night might be my last opportunity to finalize the shopping of the last gifts. Too much other crap going on this week that I've already forgotten about.

Ugh. Alright kids, that's enough outta me for one day. Have a great evening, and we'll do it again tomorrow. GOODNIGHT NOW!!