Carly's Ramblings Blog - Style

What Made Me Feel Particularly Old Today

What made you feel particularly old/young today? Week Four prompt for Welcome to My Reality.

Yesterday I started a blog about what made me feel particularly old. The fact that has taken me three days before posting this says a lot.

I feel the heaviness of tiredness that wraps itself around me suffocating me and shrinking my desire to express myself in any way beyond the non – fictional variety. With this hanging tiredness, comes a lowered motivation and my creativity suffers – pulls into itself and refuses to come out again. It is like it is hibernating and refuses to expose itself to these elements that are the cruelness of winter.

Sure I can prattle on and let nonsense have its way, but to try to find any sense of story, I feel weakened. Like that part of me has been stripped away and I would not feel so bad about it if I was not letting down my friend Darleen. I am the one who was to restart the campfire story and I am stuck on liking the one we did and cannot seem to move beyond it, to start something new. Emails to her, let me know she understood, like any good friend would. Besides it was due Wednesday night. Too late now.

But this tiredness drags me under, leaving me feeling aged and old. Decrepit and wasted in my life. Whether you want to call it the winter blues, the blahs or the more technical Seasonal Affective Disorder – SAD, I do not know. What I do know is that is sucks, like a vampire, it bleeds me dry and leaves me only a shell of my usual self. I do not like that. I want more for myself and for those around me.

I long to feel the sun on my skin again. To shed the heavy layers of winter garb and go back to the heavenly lightness of shorts and t-shirts.

This time of year also brings the writing of report cards and I find I need to be creative in my ways to let parents know their child is not being as successful as we had hoped. They too have lost their motivation and we all need a re-jolt. A firing up of sorts.

The weather is not very helpful either. Dark, cold and damp. Like living in a dungeon without the musty smell. The cold permeates all and sends me running for the covers. Piling myself under them does not make for very creative moments. I am tense from holding my body tight with the heat I try to hold on to and also from fear of succumbing to some cold virus or even a terrible fall.

Let's hope this winter eases up its grasp but for now I will muddle through. Looking for ways to pull myself out of the sludge that leaves me feeling so old.

Here's to a better tomorrow.