Shouts From Down Under

An atmosphere of criticism. Helpful or cheap satisfaction?

There's something I've noticed that happens to me.

When I'm talking to someone there's a feeling sometimes of annoyance. It's when I feel that I know more than the other person, and they are doing something under my supervision, or I'm watching them.

I feel the urge, sometimes it's probably subconscious and I'm hardly aware of it, an urge to show the other person that I'm annoyed.
It IS a feeling of annoyance too.
I know how to do whatever it is. They don't. I feel superior. Most often I'm definitely not. Probably never except in my own mind.

So there's this situation, and I can choose to put them down, and it might even be just a tone of voice, or a physical expression / body language movement of impatience. I may only murmur, but there's no confusing what I'm saying, really.

I'm telling them off for being so stupid, for not being privileged to information only I know. By my mood or movements, I tell them they are brainless, and that they should have magically known whatever it was that I now advise them.

Yes, I feel so good after telling them what information they want, or asked for, or need, or I feel they need. Answers that I thrust upon them, and I tread on them with my boot, stepping up to a higher plane.

Nobody will learn anything from this experience. I may be enriched with a bigger ego. I may feel happy for a short time.

The "victim" who thought they could trust me to be loving, and to treat them pleasantly, will be disappointed.

And so will I. Feeling smarter than someone else will only last a few minutes, seconds. Then reality sets in, and an honest person will realise that information isn't braininess.

Criticism isn't always unhelpful, and I'm not saying don't do it. But for myself, I'd like to just move back from persecuting someone who asks for help or has even done something mildly irritating. There's usually good reason why people fail at something. Probably acres of reasons.
Tiredness is one of them.

Nobody is superior by withholding information, or being better trained at something. Anyone can be trained. Anyone can get information, eventually.

Ok. I confess. It was my dear mum that prompted this blog subject. I didn't feel I was superior, that's for sure, but a feeling of annoyance wells up when she asks me to repeat what I said all the time. She's a bit deaf. She's also very on edge with her nerves. For example, she if she can't get the lid on the Vegemite or butter, she'll bang it on the table and exclaim.

My nerves aren't the best either and sudden emotional outbursts would probably annoy anyone. After a few months of it.
But I love my mum very much.

None of us are perfect and I won't beat myself up over this. But it's food for thought, especially for us writing community.
Surely we, of all people, are at the pointy end of criticism, and at the forefront of criticising our fellow scribes.

We need to be so careful of our motives. They are subtle and seem to come from nowhere. From within. From our minds. From somewhere deep that we can't control. The place where foot in mouth statements come from. You know the ones.
The crowd stoppers that silence an entire party, people open mouthed, staring in wonder, in quiet fury and gentle outrage.

Yes, where does that knocking come from? Why do we knock people with the purpose of feeling good?

Why don't we just help people, without condescension, with no malice or guile?

www.dictionary.com

mal·ice [mal-is] Show IPA
noun
1. Desire to inflict injury, harm, or suffering on another, either because of a hostile impulse or out of deep-seated meanness: the malice and spite of a lifelong enemy.
2. Law. evil intent on the part of a person who commits a wrongful act injurious to others.

guile [gahyl] Show IPA
noun
insidious cunning in attaining a goal; crafty or artful deception; duplicity.



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