Shouts From Down Under

Either under the thunderbox seat, or smack bang in Berrimah!

Is Australia that dangerous? Are we a bunch of savages roaring around the place scruffing women by their hair, escaping into the hazy outback where we keep them as wives in our off the grid caves?

Is this us? Language warning!! Sometimes I wonder why I post stuff with swearing in it, seriously. But, it is reality and you've been warned. If you are writing a scene with Aussies in it, don't be a dill and think we all act and talk like this lot. Or that nasty incident at the end. Look, just turn away from the screen ok?



Do we tiptoe around far north coastal towns tripping over, and basically wearing REAL crocs?

http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2009/jul/21/crocs-fond-farewell

I mean, I'm still alive, I've gotta tell ya. I don't plan on getting knocked off, bitten, run over, blown away, electromacuted, murrrrrrrrrrrrdered, or any other think where you curl up your toes. You know...give up the ghost, cark it.



The StoryMistress ' new merit badge, for some (negative :) get it?) reason made me think of our little old Aussie mate, the Red-back spider and the famous song.

Lyrics thanks to http://www.onlysydney.com.au/42280/slim-newton-redback-on-the-toilet-seat

Redback on the Toilet Seat

There was a red-back on the toilet seat
When I was there last night,
I didn't see him in the dark,
But boy! I felt his bite!
I jumped high up into the air,
And when I hit the ground,
That crafty red-back spider
Wasn't nowhere to be found.

I rushed in to the missus,
Told her just where I'd been bit,
She grabbed the cut throat razor blade,
And I nearly took a fit.
I said, 'Just forget what's on your mind,
And call a doctor please,
'Cause I've got a feeling that your cure
Is worse than the disease.'

There was a red-back on the toilet seat
When I was there last night,
I didn't see him in the dark,
But boy! I felt his bite!
And now I'm here in hospital,
A sad and sorry plight,
And I curse that red-back spider
On the toilet seat last night.

I can't lay down, I can't sit up,
And I don't know what to do,
And all the nurses think it's funny,
But that's not my point of view.
I tell you it's embarrassing,
And that's to say the least
That I'm to sick to eat a bite,
While that spider had a feast!

And when I get back home again,
I tell you what I'll do,
I'll make that red-back suffer
For the pain I'm going through.
I've had so many needles
That I'm looking like a sieve,
And I promise you that spider
Hasn't very long to live!

There was a red-back on the toilet seat
When I was there last night,
I didn't see him in the dark,
But boy! I felt his bite!
And now I'm here in hospital,
A sad and sorry plight,
And I curse that red-back spider
On the toilet seat last night.


Today's news...

http://www.abc.net.au/news/2014-07-28/berrimah-inmates-break-out-of-prison-then-...

Yes, if you are at Darwin, planning to go there, or pretty much anywhere in Australia where it's hot, of course you'll want to jam yourself back in jail. It's too scary and dangerous outside, and once you've quenched your thirst, well, why stay out? The Monsooooooons will get you. Don't know what a monsoon is? What about a yabbie pot?

Ok. I confess. This Aussie ocker stuff is just an act for most Australians. Yerss. We are a classy group now. No more of the convict era thieving, no more Eureka Stockade rebelling, no more punchups and stuff like that on the beach. No we just agree to everything our politicians tell us now, and go along with big companies who take all the money out of our communities, and then people go crook at the doleys. Those people who don't and won't get a job. Useless lot aren't they?

There's one lot who aren't useless. If you plan on coming to Australia, be warned, about the Sydney Funnel Web Spider.

http://australianmuseum.net.au/Sydney-Funnel-web-Spider

We had first hand experience with one of these fellows standing up to my wife when she was out the back door of our house. The spider came off the lawn onto the concrete, and it was almost dark, nearly night time, and my wife almost trod on it. It reared up on it's back legs with it's fangs in the classic pose of an unhappy arachnid. They have antivenin in hospitals for these now, but best not to go there in the first place, hey?



The point of this whole blog? All these dangerous creatures? Ha! Not in Tasmania, so you can all come here for your holidays. (cough cough) No need to mention the Tiger Snake, White Tail, or the dreaded Backflipping Politicians.

Sparky