The Universe is Indifferent

MAY 20 ENTRY: Remember a time when you graduated from something, whether it be grade school, high school, college, or a club like Girl Scouts, Boy Scouts, etc. What did the celebrations consist of? What were your major emotions after you graduated?

High school again huh?

Seems like Emily is feeling nostalgic.

To tell you the truth, my high school graduation wasn't really special. I had been changing schools and had spent my last 1.5 years in an-boys school with dumb rules and dumber people. The cliques were already there when I got there, the teams were already selected and I was an alien. Extra baggage.

So on a sunny day, we were all dressed up in best shirts and ties. A formal function was first where the principal and teachers were supposed to bid adieu. It really consisted of long speeches about the future, the opportunities that lay ahead, the life that we were about to begin. Pretty basic stuff, stuff that has been said before, but on that day, it meant something. Even the rowdy kids were listening, hanging on to each word. It was a strangely wonderful sight.

Then we had a small program organised by the junior class. It was exciting for many but not for me because I knew only a few of them closely. There were jokes, strolls down memory lane and a song too. The memories were many more for others than for me because I hadn't been there for a long time, but still I felt like a part of something. The jokes on teachers, the mimicry, I understood all of it, I was in on it, I laughed with everyone... The junior class also decided to give out some awards, like Mr Goody Two-Shoes, Mr Dashing, Mr Studious etc. I was surprisingly declared Mr English. It was all in fun I know, but it felt nice.

As the day was nearing the end, I noticed quite a few tears. I have always been baffled by people crying when leaving school. I guess I never had such a strong attachment like them, but it still seems bizarre that all the while we're in school, we can't wait for it to end and when it does, we cry. What does that mean? Ah human emotions, intangible sometimes...

I like the word nostalgia. Comes from Greek nostos- home or return and algia- pain. Don Draper said once that in Greece, nostalgia means 'pain from an old wound'. To be fair, I miss my scone last school more, the one where I spent my freshman and sophomore years. More friends, empathy, acceptance. We all seek acceptance in the end, don't we? The only difference is the person(s) we seek it from.

Anyhow, to be honest, I don't miss school much, it had to end, right? I didn't cry when it ended and don't regret it because crying just didn't feel right. I wasn't happy that it was ending, sure it had been lousy but some good had definitely come of it, but I wasn't sad either.

PS: I have always wondered how is it always sunny on graduation day? Maybe the dude in the sky also wants us to go away peacefully. Just a thought.

Ciao