I read this poem as a free verse and it holds many conventions that are great! There are gateways to sin without a doubt and it is portrayed here as a smokey unforeseen shadow that lurks among us all.




There are so many conventions that pull our poetry together. The one we really don't pay attention to is punctuation. I noticed in this piece that if you changed a few things, your voice would sound desperate as you want to convey it. That is how I read it. So I wanted to show you an example as to what I mean.

you wrote:

Oh you who see infinity !
Take a little trip with me!
answer me, where can I found
these secrets places, I'm spellbound
By the beauty of despair
when its wind blows through my hair

This is how I read it-

Oh you who see infinity-
take a little trip with me!
Answer me, where can I found
these secrets places;I'm spellbound
by the beauty of despair,
when its wind blows through my hair.

By using the caesura you are taking a great pause and letting your reader feel that pause. Using punctuation that ends your sentences allows you start with a new one. This is where your capitals should be used.

In this sentence I have to ask if it is correct?
answer me, where can I found

A little question of past and present tense here. Using the thesaurus is a great way to find what you want to say using words that don't come to mind so easily.

I noticed you used some in line rhyming and some end rhymes as well. Free verse a practice and it took some time to perfect it. Nothing is perfecting in poetry though, now is it? Words are wonderful that way. Unless you are using a certain formed poetry, you hold the reigns.



In the strange land of the dream
they wander like a deadly steam
that spread over the gentle hearts
painting them blacker than night

Now I really like this verse because it holds some great conventions. For one it is an Enjambment. This is a run-on line of poetry in which logical and grammatical sense carries on from one line to the next without the use of an end stop line. All you need to do here is put your period at the end of the verse.



I enjoyed reading this piece and it holds a great value of expression. I would love to see you revise it a little and make a few changes. These are only my suggestions and I am not a professional. However knowing the conventions of poetry and how they work, I do hope you consider them.

Keep Writing!!
Enjoy the site and all it has to offer !!

~LL~