Hi, love! Just a quickie review I think. I'm reviewing children's stories for a challenge. This might be the first time I've ever reviewed a story you wrote...? Weird.

That opening line is a perfect hook. It introduces Mary and Bobby surprisingly well... a great example of concise writing (and you know how much I love that!). From that one short line, we know that Mary is a younger sister to Bobby, and it seems rather clear that Bobby is picking on her. Nicely done.

I had so many fights/conversations like this with my brother growing up. Both my older and younger brother in fact! Not super pleasant memories, but oh well. The topic and ending are both slightly dark. The girl's fear and feelings that her parents loved Bobby more are just... a little sad I guess. What age group were you shooting for here? The little girl is only 6, but I'm not entirely sure that I'd want my 6 year old to read it because it could be upsetting. Maybe.

I don't know. You've had more mommy experience than I have, so what do I know? You also know quite well that I love dark stuff. Kids in my stories routinely get tortured in one way or another, so by comparison, this still seems light to me. Very realistic. Anyway! No need for changes really. I like the piece. It's a nice flash. As a children's story, I'm not 100% sure.



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .