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Review #4153255
Viewing a review of:
 ANXIETY  [E]
Raising anxiety awareness with a slight romantic twist, note: this was an english project
by llupeh
Review of ANXIETY  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)

I came here because of the title. I've been working as a counselor for a few years now, so everything that has to do with mental health awareness definitely grabs my attention.

What I liked:
I really enjoyed reading this, you've captured the essence of anxiety in a very efficient and interesting manner. And you've made your main character quite relatable. I remember back when I was studying counseling we used to get case records like this for practice purposes. This gave me quite an appreciation for the detailed and well rounded history that you supplied.

Your descriptions were also quite vivid which made me relate to the character and root for her. You've definitely succeeded in presenting a lively and moving picture of this disorder and I really applaud the romantic twist. It makes for an intriguing read.

Suggestions:

         *Owl1* "dad used to deat her mom." "beat?"
         *Owl2* "things got worse to Charlotte." I suggest: "for" instead of "to" in this sentence.
         *Owl3* "that would come over ever so often and often and even spend the night" I suggest that you use: "they" instead of: "that." And it might be better to remove the second: "often."
         *Owl4* "Atleast, i mean in marriage senses." I suggest removing the: "I mean," for a better flow. It might also be better to change the sentence to: "At least in the married sense."
         *Owl5* "for hey had agreed." "They?"
         *Owl1* "had felt as though it been beating out of her chest" I suggest: "has been"
         *Owl2* "which lead to her moving to the school." "led" might work better with the narration.
         *Owl3* "as well as in lunch." I suggest: "at lunch."
         *Owl4* "as a signal to telling the teacher." "To tell" might work better.
         *Owl5* You've used both the present tense and the past tense for the narration in this piece, however, it is best to unify the tense. The past tense seems more befitting for the tone of this story.
         *Owl1* Finally, I suggest splitting this piece into smaller paragraphs and maybe increasing the line spacing in order to facilitate the reading experience.

All in all this was quite an informative and interesting read. I hope your project went well.

All the best,





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