Hi Piratess Dawniebelle ! I'm here in your portfolio today to read and review your piece, "Already His" in celebration of your Account Anniversary month! Congratulations on 11 years!

You are a very descriptive writer! I could easily visualize where the story took place and it was fun experiencing the events through the eyes of the girl. I did wonder what you meant by the phrase "word challenge" in the description though. Do you mean this was written for a challenge on this site?

Mostly, your grammar and punctuation were good, but I did notice a few edits you could make. Your words are in red below, and my suggestions follow. If a comma is needed, I've added a where the comma should go

Whimpering she squinted carefully

A tall pale man with blood red lips

traced it’s way slow and steady its in this case should not have an apostrophe

She won’t taste nearly as good if she’s as upset as this, he thought knowingly. italicize his thoughts using the {i}italics{/i} code.

The locked door, she thought same thing with italics here

his the moment he’d slide into the room *slid into the room

sent a thought to her unconsciousness, You’re mine now! italics again

I was left with a question though. You say, "All because of the locked door" but the door wasn't ever locked. You said she was just turning the handle the wrong way out of fear. Maybe reword that sentence a bit And how could she have budged the door at all with the wolf hound lying in front of it?

Thank you for sharing your writing!

Take care,
Emily

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