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Review #4675007
Viewing a review of:
 My Room With A View  [E]
Written when we were living in the city
by Naomi
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)

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Hallo!

The title and brief description work for the poem, and the verse structure and words chosen echo your emotions and the message. I like the descriptions, and the contrasts you bring out.

I appreciate how you move from what you see to the behaviour of the people ... sometimes one can associate an outside view with an inside peek into attitudes and interactions among people. I also enjoyed the ending on a happy note.

SUGGESTIONS:
1. Pick two more 'genres' to give the work more exposure on site.
2. a. In the line about the full moon, you've repeated the word 'when'. Maybe you could change it to 'AT full moon ...'
b. In the verse about people being 'busy', you've repeated the word 'busy'. You could change one of those.
3. Overall, I was a bit confused where you are at a particular point and which room resonates well with you and which one gives off uncomfortable vibes. As I read from verse to verse I wasn't sure about the timeline or the whereabouts of the narrator.
While the overall thought comes through, the individual verses puzzled me. (This could be just me, though.)

Thanks for sharing this!
- Sonali.

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