Hello Steven Gepp!

Thanks again for the beta reader opportunity on this urban dragon novel of yours. I just finished reading these two chapters (ten and eleven), so I'm here to do your review. I hope you enjoy it and find it encouraging and uplifting.


INITIAL IMPRESSION / OVERVIEW:
I enjoyed these chapters and am looking forward to the next installment. Well done!

You kept me riveted and I read straight through to the end. Well done!



MORE DETAILED FEEDBACK:

Chapter ten was a surprise. I wouldn't have guessed about the steroids. I felt relieved when the searchers didn't find anything. And it made sense that Scott wouldn't want to shake hands with the jerky cop afterward. Well done!

I personally thought chapter eleven could have been split into two. They were the same location, but kind of two separate scenes. I'm big on short chapters though. Both scenes were surprising. Not the main thrust of the second one, but the location and how it went down. Surprising is good. No one wants to read a book they can guess every move in ahead of time. Well done!

Your descriptions and writing are great. They give me a visual of the scene and fit in nicely so I don't even notice the words; I get involved in the story. Well done!


I didn't notice any spelling mistakes in your two chapters. Well done!


Your story chapters were interesting to me, and made me want to read your next one. Well done!



IDEAS TO MAKE YOUR PIECE STRONGER:
Two things this time...

1) In this section of dialogue:
“And after you found her, you took her to your place and then she paraded around naked in front of your girlfriend?”
“Well, yeah, I suppose…” I can see that he would be flustered and frustrated but would he really agree? I think the knee-jerk reaction would be to say something like, "No, that's not what happened." or something like that. Even just, "It's not what you think." Especially the way it was phrased. He certainly hadn't been parading her around. Just my two cents there.

2) The end of chapter eleven seems unnecessarily violent to me. Absolutely I could see him using a little force when they got so persistent. But grabbing a friend by the throat with two hands? And throwing another one away so far? Seems extreme. On the other hand, if Scott isn't normally so strong and you were trying to showcase his gain in strength for supporting things later in the book, you did make your point.


CONCLUSION:
You have a great writing style and I easily got drawn into the story. Well done!

Thank you for sharing your time and writing with the Writing.Com community!

May love, joy and peace be yours in abundance!
PWheeler








Positive Hearts
A Review from: "Positive Hearts Reviews Group" 





My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .