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Review #4740959
Viewing a review of:
 Fantasy World Build To Be Named  [E]
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by diademedaid
Review by Jayne
Rated: E | (4.5)
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This is a "Game of Thrones"  review!



Hello, diademedaid!

*Checkb*Overall Impression:
This is quite the feat of world-building! It's focused, innovative, and complex. You must have a rare creativity diadem!

*Checkb*Title and Description:
Fantasy World Build is an okay title since that is what we're looking at. The description could be more robust by changing it to state what part(s) of the world you will be discussing within or to specifically pique the reader's interest by mentioning diadems.

You may also want to change your genres around. Fantasy is very popular, and it's not uncommon for people to search for things by genre.

*Checkb*Content and Flow:
The amount of information here could be overwhelming, but you've done a fantastic job breaking it down into manageable sections that are easy to navigate. There were still a few spots where I felt I needed more information.

First, while you do a great job of explaining what power is, it's never fully explained what a diadem is. The reader knows what the diadems do but not what they are. It would be helpful for the reader to understand what it is without having to look it up elsewhere.

Second, I understand the theory behind who would be diademless, and I think it's a unique and incredible power. That being said, how does this further impact the mental health of those who possess it? It's important to remember that adding further stigma to mental health concerns isn't generally received well, and this diadem will need to be carefully plotted and handled with care.

Finally, I was completely lost with the Adaptation diadem. It's not clear how it applies to past physical mistakes or how it makes them look weird. However, it does look like the section isn't as fleshed out as the others, so maybe it's not as polished yet.

*Checkb*Grammar and Mechanics:
World-building is typically for personal use, but sharing it with others is incredibly generous of you. Running it through a grammar program can help clean up some of the errors found throughout.

Although I noticed the errors, it didn't make it any less fun for me to read. However, the extra polish would elevate it, as it does risk alienating some readers who are sticklers for accuracy.

*Checkb*Final Thoughts:
I see you have provided a huge "to be continued" disclaimer—I hope it is being continued! If it is, you can provide the link to any continuations with the {item:XXXXX} or {entry:XXXXXX} code.

Thank you for sharing your work with us!

Jayne *Smile*


My approach to reviews: "I'll Explain, but not Disclaim" 


The views and opinions in this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and, therefore, do not necessarily reflect the group, activity, and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the reviewer's opinion and suggestions, and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
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