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Review #4740985
Viewing a review of:
 My Minecraft Haiku Poem  [E]
My first try at a Haiku Poem.
by Triple
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
House Targaryen image for G.o.T.
In House Targaryen,
there'll be

*Fire* FIRE *Fire* & *DropR* BLOOD *DropR*

IN AFFILIATION WITH:
"The WDC Angel Army


Disclaimer:

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.



Greetings Triple !

I am currently reviewing as part of the tasks set by the "Game of Thrones. Today marks another year of your stay with us here at Writing.Com and I'm glad you've reach this far. Fourteen years? Wow, that's quite a milestone. Here's to more years of Writing and Reviewing!

*Fireworks6* *Fireworks5* Happy 14th Account Anniversary to you! *Fireworks5* *Fireworks6*


To celebrate this special occasion, here's a review for you. In this review, I mainly focus on the positives of your piece and I may point some Areas for Improvement if found any. Without much a do, here are the things I noticed after delving deeper into the contents:


Strengths

Relatable Experience: Any Minecraft player instantly connects with the surprise and frustration of a creeper attack. Your poem effectively evokes that shared experience.

Eerie Atmosphere: The words "sneak" and "hiss" create a sense of lurking danger, which is a classic element in Minecraft's gameplay.



Areas for Development:

Haiku Structure: Traditional haiku poems focus intensely on a single moment and follow the 5-7-5 syllable pattern. This structure lends itself well to the surprise ending you've built. Experiment with rewording to fit this pattern without losing the meaning.

Sensory Language: Haiku excel at bringing the reader into a moment through the senses. Imagine the feel of the blocks beneath your character's feet or the specific sounds of the rustling leaves. Consider how to inject more specific details.

Heightening the Climax: The final "hiss" is powerful, but the ending could be even more dramatic. Explore how to describe the aftermath of the explosion to really punch up that last line.



Specific Word Choice Suggestions:

Consider swapping some words for more descriptive counterparts:

"Sneak" could become "creep" or "slink"
"Sounds" could be "rustling" or "whispering"
"Death" could be "explosion" or "darkness"



Inspiration

Traditional Japanese haiku often draw inspiration from nature. Think about how you might incorporate elements of the Minecraft landscape for a more haiku-like feel. Could you mention a specific tree type? Is there a feeling of daylight or nighttime? These could add an extra layer of depth to the atmosphere you're setting.

Ultimately, this is still a beautifully crafted haiku and I enjoyed reading it. Thank you so much for sharing this to all of us. Write on!

Best regards,
Gervic

GoT House Targaryen :: Gervic


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