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 Review #4741223 |
 | Discovery of America?  [13+] A funny story for the June 12 Writer's Cramp  |
| (4.5)| Hallo Sophy ! I will be reviewing your work "Discovery of America?" on behalf of "House Targaryen Points" for "Game of Thrones"  Content: Written for the Writer's Cramp challenge, the prompt given was to write about a teacher trying to get the attention of a student, not paying attention, about the history of Christopher Columbus discovering America. Pluses:Well, first off...who the heck is Columbo?  Because my mind immediately went to the T.V. show character, and I'm sure that's who you were referring to; via Mr. Culpepper of course. (Un)Fortunately for our weary students - except for the astute Brittney (poor girl was about to have a heart attack) - none of them are really truly aware of the yarn their history teacher is spinning, and it's hilarious! From his chirpy introduction to a sleepy class (yes, 8.15 a.m. is brutal especially in this day and age), to him launching straight into the topic without waiting for them to catch their breath as well as the little rhyming song he made them chant was a hoot. 'In fourteen hundred and twenty nine Columbo sailed the salty brine.' Did I also forget to mention that Columbo's ship was called the Fettucini? Classic! And to wrap it all up in one neat bow, after such a brutal journey with no hope for survival, redemption comes in the form of a white dove with an olive branch and them landing and renaming the place as 'Plymouth Rock'.  . I'm sure for those who had always thought the Thanksgiving Holidays was about the pilgrims discovering Plymouth Rock, Mr. Culpepper's tale would be a shock to the senses. Poor Brittney will need to re-consider a few things about her teacher after this. Bottom line, I think you did a great job with the prompt. The humor was there in spades, and relying mostly on dialogue, it flowed smoothly and we as the readers, are able to visualize every moment quite well. Suggestions:Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best. Just a minor typo noticed: >>and when the (they) got off the boat they named the place    Thanks for the fun read, Sophie, and keep on writing!    Disclaimer: The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 04/02/2024 @ 1:13pm EDT