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 Review #4742095 |
 | A Sudanese Century Plant’s Dream  [E] A new American lives a century plant lifecycle.  |
| (4.5)| Hallo debmiller1 ! I will be reviewing your work "A Sudanese Century Plant’s Dream" on behalf of "House Targaryen Points" for "Game of Thrones"  Content: Based on a prompt in a writing contest, this short story deals with the introspective thoughts of a Sudanese man, who finds himself at a crossroads with his desire to remain in the United States to become successful or to return back home where fear and the unknown awaits. Pluses:Brilliant piece of writing considering such 'boring' word prompts that were given for the day's challenge. Being able to incorporate them into a story this deep and powerful is a testament to your creativity. You bring the story of Faheem Hassan to life, and it is almost poetic how he compares his life to the century plant (which I actually had to look up though you description was good enough, but still it was an interesting plant to use). You tell of his journey to the United States, and how he was forced to leave his family behind just to make sure he fulfilled the requirements of the lottery visa won. You write about the hardships faced in the States; having to acclimate oneself to a new country, speak their language and assimilate as best as possible despite his difficult living conditions. It seemed like no matter how hard he worked; there was never enough money to send home. Still, he and his companions do finally get to become naturalized citizens - and I'm honestly not sure why they always feel the need for that to be a big production. Why do that in the middle of a baseball game? Ah, well. The photo ops, I guess. Sadly, a phone call from home fills him with his worst fear; his missing family. What's become of them and what other choice does he have but to return and give up on creating a new life in America? Tough decisions have to be made, and Hassan decides on what's best in the end. Suggestions:Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best. >>Tears threaten(ed) to spill over and shame him. (keeping in line with the tense of the story - sounded much better while reading out loud) >>mound during in (a) Columbus baseball game >>and became naturalized citizen(s).    Congratulations on your win for the day's challenge, and thanks for sharing the story. Keep on writing!    Disclaimer: The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 04/09/2024 @ 3:12pm EDT