%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #4742292 |
 | A map to Hellenbach  [13+] A map, a story, a quest  |
| (4.5)| Hallo Kåre Enga in Montana ! I will be reviewing your work "A map to Hellenbach" on behalf of "House Targaryen Points" for "Game of Thrones"  Content: Written for a writing challenge, this short story tells of two friends who, while cleaning out an attic, discover a strange-looking map. Remember the saying of 'one man's trash is another man's treasure'? this story encapsulates that quite well. Pluses:It never hurts to have images within a story, and I liked that you used an actual map to start off this tale; giving the reader an idea of what the main subject matter is. Dialogue heavy, your story allows the reader to visualize the events as they take place, and to picture each situation as we go along. First there's the curiosity about the strange map, and the narrator's descriptions are quite hilarious: The lines made loops and circles as if some lazy bird was etching daisies across the sky or maybe like an errant mole who couldn't see where it was going. Wait! Aren't moles naturally blind anyway?  All the same, our narrator decides that the map is worthless and prepares to toss it into the trash, when his friend stalls him. He claims that the map is priceless as it was something he had made when he was only twelve-years-old. One cannot fault the narrator for wanting to throw out something, from that long ago, that doesn't really make sense, however, it's the story behind the creation of the map that brings it all to light. The narrator's friend recounts listening to war stories from his grandfather of all the tour of duties he'd been a part of. I dread to think of the PTSD he must have gone through, especially as the friend states that Grandpa particularly enjoyed singing randomly about strange topics. Unfortunately, Grandpa would pass away before the map could be completed, for the narrator's friend is sure that he was alluding to real treasure somewhere. It's his grandpa’s last words that still resonate with him which was to follow the path wherever it led. And where does it lead exactly? "To Hell and Back". May I please now direct you to the title of the story, where you can attempt to read out the name of the town "Hellenbach". Pretty clever. Suggestions:Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best. Since this was written for a first chapter contest, I will say it does kick off a lot of possibilities. I'd have suggested it being a little longer, as this sort of reads like a prologue. All the same, it definitely makes the reader curious to know more about this place called Hallenbach.    Thanks for sharing your story with us, and keep on writing!   Disclaimer: The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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