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Review #4749933
Viewing a review of:
Her First Time  [E]
Don't jump to conclusions.
by Zeke
Review of Her First Time  
Review by Tiggy in Antigua
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
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*PenB* First Impressions:

Despite knowing that this wasn’t what it seemed (after all, you told the readers not to jump to conclusions in the description) I still felt a little uncomfortable. You did a really good job making this seem like something else. Okay, so about half-way through, when you mentioned that she was sitting in a chair, I started to figure out what was going on, and from then on I was reading to confirm my theory and felt a lot more relaxed about the story *Laugh* I loved the way that anything untoward only happened in the readers’ imagination - your story is perfectly innocent.


*PenG* Suggestions:

I didn’t notice any errors in spelling or punctuation. The only thing I would suggest would be to make the paragraph spacing a little clearer. It might seem overkill as the paragraphs will only be one or two lines long, but it helps the readers to distinguish who is speaking and structure the tale a little better.


*PenP* Final Thoughts:

I have to admit, when I’m in a similar situation (I’m not going to say what it is because I don’t want to spoil the story for anyone who might read this review) I’m more afraid of the needle than what follows. It’s never a good experience, but that’s the part I hate the most. So when the girl in this story breezed through that part, it made me feel a little better about her ordeal, although his assurance that it would make her experience ‘more pleasant’ seemed a little exaggerated - there was nothing pleasant about it! But he was clearly very experienced and tried hard to make her relax. Both the characters came across very well, despite the story being quite short.

You did a great job telling this story and I enjoyed the read.




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