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Review #4751437
Viewing a review of:
 The Monocle of Mortality  [13+]
A device that reveals that which otherwise can't be seen. Writer's Cramp entry.
by Jeff
Review by Jayne
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
This is an "I Write in 2024"  review!


Hello, Jeff! Thank you for supporting this great activity!

*Checkb*Overall Impression:
This is a standout story with a great plot, crisp writing, sharp wit, and a great blend of humor and fantasy.

*Checkb*Title and Description:
The title perfectly captures the essence of this story, and the description sets the stage for a narrative that is as much about the quirks of the relic-hunting business as it is about the specific artifact. This provides a good balance of context and intrigue.

*Checkb*Hook and plot:
The story immediately hooks the reader with its unique premise. You have done a fantastic job weaving together a modern tone with the classic elements of a relic-hunting adventure. The satirical approach creates a playful, engaging narrative that maintains its pacing well.

Your first-person narrative is snappy and full of personality, driving home the satirical tone of the narrative.

*Checkb*Characters and dialogue:
The characters are well-developed for flash fiction, particularly with the protagonist’s distinct voice and the memorable supporting character, Gary the vegan elf. The narrative is strong, and the story maintains a consistent tone that hits the right notes of satire and adventure.

*Checkb*Grammar and Mechanics:
Your writing is polished and clear, and the story is easy to read. The plot progresses logically and unfolds smoothly, with no confusing areas.

The emoji doesn't belong there, and you know it. *Pthb*

*Checkb*Final Thoughts:
This is an expertly written take on the magical relics genre and a cleverly woven narrative.

Thank you for sharing your work with us!

Jayne *Smile*

My approach to reviews: "I'll Explain, but not Disclaim" 



   *CheckG* You responded to this review 05/12/2024 @ 11:42pm EDT
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4751437