Hello, PuppyTales,

Here is a review for your "K-Mart for Christmas" , which I came across by chance and I was surprised to see that it wasn't reviewed earlier.

You always have the last say on your work, and you are under no obligation to follow my suggestions.

Comments and Observations:

What I like about this story is its strong voice plus the conversational tone. With the addition of few humorous observations, it becomes a fun read.

The main character is named January, which also grabbed my attention as I don't know anyone with that name. In the story, January is at her job in K-Mart, on her twenty-first birthday.

The setting's descriptions and details about its nostalgic atmosphere are very effective. In fact, the story is enjoyable to read as the reader experiences the store through January's eyes

As to the characters, K-Mart Kraig, the manager, is another, only-mentioned character with unique quirks and personality, like January herself. I think, however, since the story is told from January's perspective, it might enrich its reading if January's character could be described more deeply, as to her motivations, fears, and wishes outside of the immediate action. This would make the character more relatable and memorable. You might also add to Kraig's character and possibly let him have a scene or two with January.

What put me off a bit, though, is the uneven pacing on the story. Tightening up the slower moments with more conflict and tension would help the story, also.

Then, the story ended abruptly with January unable to find the front of the store. Something surreal and without conclusion, I thought. I mean, since January was working there already, why wouldn't she know where the front of the store was? I'd say you might consider a clearer resolution than this shocking ending.

Still, as a slice-of-life tale, this story has exquisite language and is entertaining and imaginative with great potential to become a memorable piece.

Suggestions on the text as to grammar, usage, and punctuation

I didn't see any problems in this area. In fact, the usage, grammar, and the story-telling shine.

Best wishes with your work.






My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .