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Review #4752433
Viewing a review of:
 Sucking out the poison   [E]
Based very loosely upon my life
by Jruns890
Review by Brian K Compton
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)

Dear Jruns890 ,

Sorry my review is cryptic. I have to limit screen time with low vision. Overdid it a bit last year *Laugh*.

Here’s what I gleaned from "Sucking out the poison " .

Takeaways:

Emotional Impact: The poem does well to convey strong emotions, vividly illustrates the contrast between toxic and healing relationships. It could create a powerful emotional journey for a reader, with focus on personal growth and recovery.

Imagery and Metaphors: Vivid imagery and metaphors, such as comparing the toxic individual to a snake and Belladonna, and the healing person to honey and sunshine, paints a clear and evocative pictures. This strengthens emotional depth and resonance of your poem.

Contrast and Resolution: The poem structure, beginning with negative emotions and transitioning to positive, provided a satisfying narrative arc. This shift from despair to hope underscores the theme of finding healing and positivity after a period of pain.

Universal Themes: This poem was felt for universal themes of hurt, recovery, and the impact of positive relationships. This relatability can connect a wide audience, making this poem accessible and meaningfully relatable to many.

One suggestion for Improvement:

One area of the poem you could enhance is refining the flow and rhythm. While the emotional content is strong, smoothing out the transitions between lines could improve the overall readability and impact. For example, consider breaking the lines differently to create a more cohesive flow:

~ just a suggestion:

You filled me with rage,
anger, hate, hostility.
You were like a snake,
striking fast and hard —
or Belladonna,
paralyzing poison soaking through (saturating) my soul.

You should know,
I found someone who treats me right,
someone like honey
in a bite of lemon —
a ray of sunshine
on a dark, gloomy day.
Someone who always has
a kind word to say,
feels like a warm hug
on a cold winter day.
Someone who helps
heal my heart
and suck out the poison.


I tightened it up a bit. This slight reformatting can help maintain the reader’s engagement and emphasize the emotional contrasts your poem offers more effectively. It was a pleasure to consider this piece and offer my feedback.

Regards,

Brian
WDC Angel Army
~~Image #1188309 Sharing Restricted~~

Please forgive any errors.

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