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 Review #4752697 |
 | the worlds best parents  [E] this a short story i wrote a while ago  |
| (3.0)   HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"   Greetings, Mr White! I am reviewing this because today is your 12th year anniversary at Writing.com.  First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest. The Positives/What I Liked This was an interesting little story, and I was immediately hooked, reading forward to discover the results between Couple A and Couple B as to which is the best way of parenting.  My favorite line was... The moral to this story is there is no right or perfect way to parenting just do the best you can. This is such a great statement. We just do the best we can. It's sad, though, that some parents neglect their children, but this story wasn't about neglect; it was about one couple who used strict discipline with their son, and the other couple who spoiled their son. Suggestions/Comments to ConsiderI do have a few suggestions for this piece.   First of all, the title needs editing: the worlds best parents --> The World's Best Parents You might consider changing the summary of your story, too. this a short story i wrote a while ago One idea might be --> The best way to raise a child is...Paragraph 1: There are two separate sentences here, so a period is needed, along with a few other changes. both became parents they were both friends --> both became parents. They were all friends (You've used the word BOTH five times in this paragraph.) Paragraph 2: You have the same thing going on throughout this paragraph, as far as leaving out periods between sentences. Also, one other change to consider: cause a few days later --> because a few days later Paragraph 3: Same. Sentences need to be separated with punctuation throughout this paragraph. Paragraph 4: Same. In the beginning, you tell your audience that Couple A believes in raising their child with strict discipline and control while Couple B believed in giving their child whatever he desired. Then later on, you switch it around, referring to Couple A as the one who does the spoiling, and Couple B as the strict discipliner.  You should probably change that. Final ThoughtsYou might consider filling out your genre categories with something other than Other.  One suggestion I recommend is: Parenting You can also browse through other genres by clicking https://www.writing.com/main/list_items/type/genre, to get more ideas. This is an interesting little piece. If you decide to put a little more time into making improvements on this, let me know and I will raise my rating on this piece. Have a great day and... K e e p on W r i t i n g ! Cubby ")
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