Hello, Grl_Luv_Music,

Here is a review for your "N/A" .

You always have the last say on your work, and you are under no obligation to follow my suggestions.

Comments and Observations:

Such an emotionally intense poem! The pain and hopelessness is evident throughout and I ended up empathizing with the turmoil in it.

The strength of the poem comes from its vivid images and emotional intensity. "Tears begin to swell in the bottom of my eyes," "A small stream of red bubbles up from the spot," and "Smudgy black tears" paint a quite clear picture that shows a deep pain and hopelessness. Then, the swings, the screeching hinges, and the "sharp, smooth, silver" object symbolize more of the inner turmoil and the contrasting sensations, and unfortunately, the story in the poem build up to some self-harm.

Yet, all this is followed by an unexpected turn of rescue. Although the sudden introduction of the rescuer in the park feels a bit abrupt, adding a few lines that could give more space and information about this rescuer might help this abruptness. Still, this rescuer's presence and helping made me take an easy breath, at last.

As to the ending, it could be more powerful if it could offer a bit more clarity on the poet's better state of mind.

In addition, if all the shifts in the poem were made on purpose to show the inner workings of the poet, then, they could be okay. I, however, like smoother flow rather than sudden shifts. Also, I'm not sure of the lines with contrasting feelings, such as "Cold. Lovely."

As to the structure, clearer stanza breaks to show the shifts in scene and emotion would help the poem a lot. If for nothing else, it would give your readers time to process the intensity and emotionality in this poem.

As to originality, I would also say staying away from clichés like, "I can no longer hold back the tears" and "It feels so good," would strengthen the impact of the poem. You might consider expressing these thoughts in your own unique way.

Suggestions on the text as to grammar, usage, and punctuation

I can offer no comments for this poem in this section.

Best wishes with your work.





My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .