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Review #4753990
Viewing a review of:
 The Braddick Chronicles  [13+]
Braddick battles the Obsidian Order to avenge his wife and stop a catastrophic ritual.
by Dorell
Review by Choconut
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hi Dorell ,

This review was written on behalf of "The WDC Angel Army" 

Disclaimer


The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group with which they are affiliated. These are only the opinions and suggestions of the reviewer, and they are given solely for the purpose of being helpful.


What I liked:

*Bulletv* This is an intriguing tale of darkness and shadows, and an evil force who, I think, may be planning to take over the world. The most recent change is that the Pope (the first African Pope) has been assassinated in the Vatican, and Detective Braddick believes he know the the group responsible: The Obsidian Order. These people communicate and control through a series of ancient symbols, transmitted through shadows. It's all very creepy and incredibly interesting. Now, I have to confess, I have never read or seen 'The Da Vinci Code,' but from what I've heard about it, I think this might be in the same vein. So, I'm sure, you will find lots of interest in this story.

*Bulletv* What I liked the most about this is Detective Braddick's backstory. It is clear that he has been fighting against The Order for some time, following their deeds and trying to fight them. There is a lot of information about trying to decode the symbols because that is how Braddick can get to the people giving the orders. I love how you gradually show your reader Braddick's main reason for trying to find them: they kidnapped his partner, Mara, while she was with him. Slowly, we learn this, and it really adds to our understanding of this man. He loved Mara, and he misses her a lot. I think he wants revenge, as well as to stop The Order from killing anyone else.

*Bulletv* I was intrigued to see what would happen with the man Braddick found in the warehouse — Michael. He is cowering in the darkness, but what really piqued my interest was when he said that the shadows are alive. Literally alive. I thought we might see some kind of attack coming from the shadows. I think Braddick will have to look out for the shadows in his future endeavours.

*Bulletv* A couple of places I loved: the scene when Braddick enters the church, and people are calling to Jehovah. This has a calming effect, and it feels like a haven of serenity. It's nice to have that in the midst of all the evil in the city. I also loved this description of the city as having, "... a chilly wind that won't go away no matter how much sunshine there is." That is so atmospheric. It's a really great description.


Suggestions:

To make this a little a clearer, there are a couple of things I would check and alter. Firstly, just make sure you have your speech marks right. There are some places, where you haven't used them, and some places where you use them within the same character's speech. So, for example: "'It seems louder after dusk,' Braddick said, turning to face the sound with a subtle smile. Myles, how are you doing?'" Here, you need to put a speech mark before Myles. Also, this sentence:"'The shadows, they're alive.' 'Every choice has its shadow, son. You'd best understand that now ...'" In this sentence, it is continued speech, without any speech tags, so you don't need the speech marks between alive and Every. There are a few instances of these typos, so I would check for more of them. Additionally, remember to separate different people's speech because it can get confusing when they are together in one paragraph.

The other thing that threw me a few times was your change of tense. The story is written in the past tense, and this works really well. But, every now and then, you switch to the present. For example, here: "The pope's death has created a vacuum worldwide and in the Vatican." There are a few other instances of this, so I would check for those slips of tense.

Parting comments:

I thoroughly enjoyed reading this. It is not a genre I would normally read, but I was very pleasantly surprised. It's a really great piece of writing!

Choconut
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   *CheckG* You responded to this review 05/27/2024 @ 10:09am EDT
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