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Review #4755941
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Green Rain & Jelly Donuts  [E]
Two girls' trip to find some donuts is interrupted by divine... landscaping?
by poppy
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In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

Oh boy, this is hilarious. I half expected some dark twist to come along, as those are so common around here, but no, it’s a lighthearted adventure that would be really fun to read aloud to kids.

You’ve set up a truly preposterous situation and peopled it with two spunky young girls on a quest for super cheap donuts. Janet’s singleminded obsession with acquiring the donuts sets us up for lots of amusing back and forth as her more skeptical friend realizes the insanity of what’s happening. Yet they venture outside anyway and experience the total oblivionation (wait, I just made up a word…?) of a pesky little mountain which was in their way. No one gets hurt, and the donut acquisition process continues apace, with some new landscaping…

I love everything about this story; it really made my day to find it on the Read a Newbie sidebar. The writing style is bright and engaging, and the characters are well drawn and realistic. I would suggest using Size 4 Verdana font to ensure readability and accessibility across devices. I also recommend adding a primary genre other than “Contest entry,” which is considered a dud category. Three relevant genres helps others find it when browsing, and also gives more opportunities to be nominated for a Quill Award. (Stop by the portfolio of Lilli 🧿 ☕ for anything you might wish to know about our yearly awards *Smile*) Anyway, I would recommend using “Science Fiction” as the primary genre and then “Fantasy” and “Comedy,” in that order.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


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