*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4756638
Review #4756638
Viewing a review of:
 
Experiences in Fishing  [E]
These are some of the things I learned on the fishing trips taken in my life.
by Deb CarverOwens
         Review for entry/chapter: "Chapter One 882 - words" 
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

You write your opening chapter with humor, irony and warmth, describing the hard work you’ve put in to get everything ready for a day of fishing. Are the kids going along with you? Is it the weekend? The summer? Perhaps a little more descriptive scene setting would be nice, but I guess we all know what a lake looks like *Laugh*

As a recounting of a personal experience and your life story, I don’t want to make the same suggestions which I might if it were a fictional story. But any good story, true or imagined, has certain characteristics which make it interesting and help to make it more of a story than an “article,” for instance. These include goals, stakes, and obstacles, which drive character development and elevate conflict, which in turn makes us read on to discover the resolution. But you can tell your story just the way it’s going. I do like your style, which comes across as homey and relatable.

I have a couple super minor typos to point out:

~ still must dress, the kids, get an extra comma.
~ I also noted that this is also good “also” doesn’t need to be repeated.
~ explain them to them as we go unclear who you’re explaining it to.

Other than that, this comes across as an amusing and informative read. I look forward to checking out the rest of your entries.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 06/14/2024 @ 11:06am EDT
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4756638