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Review #4757707
Viewing a review of:
 
My Friend (At 8)  [18+]
A story of regret
by Geoff
Review of My Friend (At 8)  
Review by JACE
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Hi Geoff .

I'm JACE , and I have the honor of reading and reviewing your offering "My Friend (At 8)" .

I invite your attention to the comments below. Please bear in mind these notes are from one on the outside looking in; ultimately only you can decide what's right for your story.

*Note1*  Overall Impression. Congratulations on achieving your tenth Writing.Com Anniversary. Well, in three days that is. I hope you'll be around for many more days than that. *Wink*. I wish you continued success in all your writing endeavors.

I searched your Port for something to review and I was intrigued by your title and description for this offering. What might cause regret from someone so young?

Memories of a happening some sixty years ago must either be pretty faded and suspect or firmly ingrained that remembering is unavoidable. I have memories of both types. I wonder if yours are the latter memories. You wrote: Me, crawling from beneath the limp body of her mother, feeling the table creak and tremble, and rushing to save my hamster.

The reader in me screams to know more. I feel there is much more to the story. Yes, I can 'read' into your story, but I can never know for sure. Just the words "limp body" leaves me hanging.

I have visited childhood homes--Dad was in the Air Force and moved us a lot. Your descriptions from an eight-year-old's memories to the actual locations are spot on.

*Exclaim*  Technical and Editorial Considerations. I normally list those areas that relate specifically to the mechanics of your writing here--punctuation, grammar, spelling, etc.

         *Bullet* I only found one typo:   The house next door where my fist girlfriend  fist should be first.

         *Bullet* I'm torn. Your opening paragraph was written with a number of sentence fragments. Part of me thinks they should be separated into distinct sentences. The other part says they are just memory fragments.   I lean toward the latter.  

*Star* My Rating.  4.0. 

*Heart* Thank you for sharing this offering. Please accept these comments as offered in friendship and support. They are but my humble opinion.

Reviewed by
Jace
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