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Review #4758542
Viewing a review of:
 So Thank You  [E]
thankfully sometimes someone is there to scare away the loneliness.
by with love
Review of So Thank You  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Review of So Thank You by {suser:jtann07)

Initial Impression:

Short lines, very succinct (no worries - I do the same sometimes). Discussing a break up and healing.

Title:

Interesting. Makes the reader wonder immediately if he is the one being thanked and, if so, what for. A great idea as long as the poem answers the questions (which it does).

Content:

This is where I have to become less enthusiastic. To be honest, break up and heartache is the subject of the vast majority of poetry written by young females and many males too. So the field is cluttered and the market somewhat jaded by overindulgence. It's the kind of thing (emotional purging) we all do on occasion and should really be kept as a personal thing. It all helps toward more experience of writing so it's not wasted, but very hard to be different and refreshing for the reader.

Having said which, your poem is a little different from most in that it contains the solution you found. Most just wallow in their misery and you do well to avoid this. But try not to cast blame - one gets tired of reading about woes that are always caused by the other party. In truth, we all have a part to play in our failed relationships. Consider how shockingly different these words in Dido's song are and how they make us take notice:

I know I left too much mess and destruction to come back again
And I caused nothing but trouble
I understand if you can't talk to me again

When writing for others to read, it's so important to be new and different from all the others writing about the same thing. And that means taking a step back from complete immersion in your experience and having a view with reason included as well as emotion.

This is the only reason I'm not giving you five stars as a rating - take time for the emotions to settle down a bit then write another on on the same subject. And write one for your new friend too!

Style:

I like the simplicity and directness of your writing. You retain a natural way with words that, although unadorned, has a breath of vivid presence in it. For instance: "A person as wild as waves
As calm as night."

As you write more, try experimenting with longer lines while not abandoning the short ones.

Flow/Pace:

Slightly patchy, although this is almost inevitable with poetry divided into stanzas and verses. Each stanza reads like a new thought, as though they were exploding from you as you write. It's not a problem but something to be aware of. Best to have some sort of thread that runs through the whole, connecting the various thoughts.

Suggestions:

I think I've made all those I have already. ;)

Favourite line or part:

Definitely the "wild as waves" thing.

Overall Impression:

Practice, that's what you should do. There is enough in this little poem to convince me that you can write. Add to that the absence of errors and typos and you're well on your way. Well done.

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Beholden
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