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Review #4759437
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Review by Dee
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: | (4.0)
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Hi Joseph. I'm reviewing your story, The Curse, at your request.

My Initial Reaction

*Writer* The story opening creates a sense of mystery and intrigue with the introduction of the curse and the gypsy woman. The curse itself added tension and suspense and kept me engaged.

I found this story to be an entertaining read. While it resembles the pattern and style of other stories related to curses, yours does have an interesting slant--using "Mother Nature" as the giver of problems Robert had to deal with to learn his lesson. It was a unique way to handle the curse itself.

What I Liked Best

*Writer* I would have to say that my favorite part of the story and the writing I enjoyed the most, was reading about Robert having changed into a new man with a very different attitude. You conveyed his reaction to all his experiences in a warm, believable way. I honestly felt he did indeed change, and not just by using positive verbiage, but by how he treated other people by the end of the story. So, good job showing how he changed.

What I Liked The Least

*Writer* While I did like your story, and I found your writing rather well done, there were a couple of things that prompted me to rate the story four stars.The first thing was this paragraph:

"The next morning, Robert awoke and slid out of bed. And as he stood, at the foot of it, he gave his arms a good stretch. This was followed by a shower, which was followed by toweling off..."

Some parts of this paragraph have excessive details that slow down the pacing of the story. As the paragraph continues you've listed everything he did in his morning routine and made it one long sentence. This suddenly slowed down the action and pacing of the story for me. Often, I'm guilty of slowing down the pacing myself, so I try to get to the "action" as fast as I can, within each paragraph.

You have a lot of narrative and although it is engaging, in my opinion, it might be further engaging if some of the narrative was handled say as internal monologue or Robert speaking out loud to himself. As a reader, when there are many long or wordy paragraphs of narrative, I sometimes skip down a bit further to read the dialogue or internal monologue.

Just A Thought

*Writer* I did notice that Robert made a slip about the weather over and over again. In some ways, it didn't seem likely that he would do that, being so aware of the curse, and he didn't get to a point where it looked as though he might finally be learning his lesson and overcome his challenge of the curse, prior to the end of the story. The rapid succession of disasters that befalls Robert, each tied to a specific comment he makes, could possibly strain believability with some readers. It may be more effective to focus on fewer, but more impactful incidents, that highlight the consequences of his words.

Some parts of your story rely heavily on telling the reader what is happening or how characters are feeling, rather than showing through actions or dialogue. Incorporating more showing elements can enhance reader engagement. Show, don't tell is the rule to follow most of the time.

Overall Opinion

*Writer* Good story with lots of action. I think with some editing this could be an excellent story. It was a fun read!

Please remember, that no two reviews will be the same, and that these are just my opinions. You need to decide what works best for you, your story, and for the audience you are writing for.

Write On!

Owl reading a book



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