|
Everyone Die
Summary:
This story presents the backstory of Dr. Jonathan Reed, a scientist driven by ambition to enhance human capabilities. His experiments lead to the creation of Subject Alpha, which initially shows promise but quickly deteriorates. The narrative then shifts to the aftermath of Reed's failed experiment, introducing Typhon, a monstrous creation that turns against its creator. The chapter culminates in Typhon's escape from containment, its subsequent mutation, and the birth of its offspring, setting the stage for a larger conflict between these creatures and humanity.
Constructive critique:
1. Pacing: The narrative jumps abruptly between different time periods, which can be disorienting for readers. Consider smoothing these transitions.
2. Character development: While Dr. Reed's motivations are clear, his character lacks depth. More insight into his personal life or past could make him more relatable.
3. Dialogue: Some of the dialogue, particularly Typhon's, feels overly dramatic and cliché. Consider refining these lines to make them more unique and impactful.
4. Show, don't tell: There are instances where the narrative tells the reader about emotions or events rather than showing them through action and description.
5. Consistency in tone: The tone shifts dramatically from a scientific experiment gone wrong to a horror-like scenario. While this can be effective, the transition could be more gradual.
Suggestions for improvement:
1. Structure: Consider restructuring the chapter to create a more cohesive narrative flow. You could start with the present situation and weave in backstory elements more gradually.
2. Character depth: Develop Dr. Reed's character further by exploring his personal motivations, ethical struggles, and relationships with other characters.
3. World-building: Provide more context about the setting and the scientific advancements that make Reed's experiments possible. This will help ground the story and make it more believable.
4. Sensory details: Incorporate more sensory details to make the scenes more vivid and immersive, especially during key moments like Typhon's escape.
5. Tension building: Gradually build tension throughout the chapter, using foreshadowing and subtle hints to create a sense of impending doom before Typhon's escape.
6. Refine Typhon's character: Make Typhon's dialogue and actions more nuanced to avoid falling into monster stereotypes. Consider exploring its perspective more deeply to add complexity to the antagonist.
7. Balance backstory and present action: While backstory is important, ensure it doesn't overshadow the present narrative. Consider interspersing backstory elements with current events to maintain reader engagement.
Overall, the story presents an intriguing premise with elements of science fiction and horror that have potential to captivate readers. The concept of a scientist's creation turning against him is classic but still engaging, and the evolution of Typhon into a more complex threat adds depth to the narrative. However, the execution could benefit from refinement in pacing, character development, and narrative structure. With some polishing of dialogue, smoother transitions between time periods, and more nuanced character motivations, this story could become a compelling exploration of scientific ambition gone awry. The foundation is solid, but there's room for improvement to elevate the storytelling and fully engage the reader.
 You responded to this review 06/30/2024 @ 1:26am EDT |
|
|
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
Review #4759649
