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 Review #4763091 |
| (4.5)| Wonderful story, full of surprises and interesting ideas. You have a very creative imagination. There are several minor problems that I had to stop and think about as I read through, however. All are insignificant but may be distracting to a reader - and they're so easily fixed. I made notes as I read so I'll paste them in here for your consideration: Just a suggestion - change her name to Ms Winter rather than Winters. Makes the possessive form less awkward. Another point - in "He’d read, take copious notes, sit back reflect, edit..." you need a comma between "sit back" and "reflect." Also, are you aware that "He'd read" can be read as "He had read" as well as "He would read"? Both make sense in context but the choice gave me a pause in my reading - and that might be true for other readers too. Might be best to pick one to make it clear which is meant. "His pen twirled in his hand, old fashioned as it was..." Reads as though his hand was old fashioned. Sure, what follows clarifies it but the damage has already been done by then. “'Because, I love interrupting you.' She held a large manila envelope." The reader has no idea who this "she" is. She needs to be introduced at least with a name. “'Samson, stay. I’ll need you here to cause a little diversion, my friend,' as she patted his head.” Again, we have no idea who Samson is and have to stop to work it out. Much better to say, "as she patted the dog's head." Action becomes very confused after Mack agrees that his wife should deal with Sandra. They're in the office, then suddenly Mack's driving the car up to the house and opening the door for the ladies. It's a case of too much dialogue and not enough action. The reader needs to be told how they get from one location to the next. "...the archeologist have four more days..." Archeologists. And that's it. Otherwise it's a fascinating tale and a most enjoyable read. I know it was written quite a long time ago but it might be worth attending to the few errors I mentioned, if only for the sake of others who come across the story. A fine piece of work, even so.    Beholden Nominated for Quills Best Reviewer, 2023    My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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