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Review #4766067
Viewing a review of:
 Knights and Dragons  [E]
Two characters that are at odds must keep each other alive.
by Pip_Squeak
Review by Tiggy
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
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*PenB* First Impressions:

What an intriguing challenge, to be told to venture into the forest in search of nothing in particular. I’m with the archer on this one, I wouldn’t feel comfortable either with a quest as vague as that! As it happens, the archer was lucky enough to spot what they were looking for while the knight was busy yelling at him. The quest didn’t end there though because they were unlucky enough to also encounter a dragon, and despite their differences, they had to work together to defeat it.

The characters weren’t very well suited for this challenge, or at least they didn’t think they were - they were too different, with one being cautious and observant, the other, by his own admission, happy to run headfirst into a situation. I liked how they realised that it needed both of them to survive this, that one on their own couldn’t defeat the dragon. And the ending was nicely done, when they put their differences aside.


*PenG* Suggestions:

I spotted quite a few small errors. This isn’t a new story so I’m not sure if you’re still interested in edits, but since I’m here…

Watch out for missing words:
I have brawny buffoon
“have a brawny…”

The dragon recovered swung its claw
“recovered and swung”

You need to check for instances of the word “it’s” with the apostrophe, which is a contraction of the phrases it is or it has. You referred to things belonging to the dragon a few times, where you need “its” without the apostrophe, which is a possessive form of the pronoun it, meaning belonging to it:

it’s length
it’s spine
It’s throat
it’s flame

and turn to face
You need “turned” instead of “turn”.

the Archer shouted over his back.
This line sounded a little awkward. How about, “over his shoulder”?

in the dragons throat
“dragon’s”


*PenP* Final Thoughts:

I was wondering what kind of an initiation this was, if the lives of the two people were put at risk. I assume that the test was supposed to be finding the dragon egg, not battling the dragon, although it seems that even if this wasn’t planned, it was always a possibility. But I suppose if they were trying to prove their worth, what better opportunity than battling a dragon!

I liked the story, I thought it was quite original and the language you used, both for the descriptions and the dialogue, worked very well for this type of story. I enjoyed the read.




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