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 Review #4772143 |
 | Trespassers  [13+] Pushing a boundary can yield the unexpected.  |
| (5.0)  HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"   First Impressions: That was a very touching story. At first, I wasn’t sure what kind of story this was going to be. The beginning was quite humorous, with her all nervous on his doorstep, set up by her colleagues who had suggested the visit - I assumed whatever was going to happen would be funny. And it was, at first. There was a mishap when she stumbled and fell, and that’s how she got to know him. The turning point, for me, came with the line, maybe because he spoke like I always imagined a father would. It seemed to change the tone of the story, and I thought it meant that he would make her feel like his daughter, that they would get close and be like family. That’s what she thought it was, too, right up to the end when she realised there was more to it. I liked how you described the two characters. They were nicely drawn, with flaws and good attributes, and they seemed quite similar and got on well. The way you structured the story worked very well. You skipped between present day and the past, which made it an interesting read.  Suggestions: I only noticed one small error: single-storey clapboard house, it's white paint flaking I believe that should be “its” without the apostrophe. As you mentioned that this was a contest entry, I would suggest also saying which contest it was for, and if you remember it, add the prompt. Some readers like to know what inspired a story because it’s interesting to see how a certain prompt was used. I would also recommend choosing different genres rather than, or in addition to, ‘Contest Entry’. This is not very descriptive, and it helps readers when they know what kind of story they will be reading. Like I said, I thought one of the genres would be ’Comedy; when I started reading, so having something like ‘Drama’ or ‘Family’ would have ensured that I wouldn’t have been waiting for silly mishaps.  Final Thoughts: This was a well written tale with a bit of a twist, but what I liked best about it was the way you let the characters’ relationship develop quite naturally even though it looked at the beginning like they would have one unpleasant encounter and then never see each other again. A good story!    My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 08/31/2024 @ 6:28pm EDT