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Review #4773235
Viewing a review of:
 Where, oh where?   [E]
Based off of the song "Last Kiss" by J. Frank Wilson & The Cavaliers
by Joy Marsh
Review by Choconut
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hi Joy Marsh ,

I am reviewing your flash fiction, "Where, oh where? " , on behalf of "The WDC Angel Army" . The review is part of "a very Wodehouse challenge" 

Disclaimer


The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group with which they are affiliated. These are only the opinions and suggestions of the reviewer, and they are given solely for the purpose of being helpful.


What I liked:

*Bulletv* You have a natural writing style that draws your reader into the story world and makes us want to know what happens to your characters. Now, I have to admit, I don't know the song 'Last Kiss' at all, but having read your story, I had to find it on YouTube, and then get the lyrics. Your story is a great response to that song.

*Bulletv* Your character of the old man is what I love the most about this. You write him with compassion and attention to detail. For example, this sentence is wonderful: "Climbing up the steps of their creaking, old staircase, he clutches the arm rail a little tighter than he would've a few years back." It shows how the man is elderly, but the way the staircase is creaking at the same time really reflects the man's age.

*Bulletv* The wife in this story seems very understanding. I'm not sure I could be quite so kind if my husband were obsessing over a lost love and writing her hundreds of letters. Okay, so she is deceased, so there's no danger of a physical affair, but this man's love seems to be bordering on obsession.


Suggestions: I did get a little confused when you introduced the current wife. After spending a couple of paragraphs detailing the life and death of his first love, you then switched into, "Sweetheart, Daryl and Julia are coming for dinner." You didn't give any dialogue tags to say who this woman was who was speaking, and I thought maybe his first love hadn't died, after all. It is explained a little later, but this brought me out of the story momentarily.


Parting comments: This is a really well-written story with lots of heart at its core. You did a great job with writing the old man's character, and it is clear you put a lot of thought into it. Great work!


Choconut
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