The Inevitable Slap In The Face

When I was 17, I was in a relationship with guy named...well, let's call him Jerry. We were happy, in love, and completely consumed with each other. That's how it started anyway. Keep in mind this is the first time I've ever attempted to write about this because it isn't easy.

He treated me like a princess. He made me feel beautiful. no one had ever done that before. I thought, if someone as perfect as he, could find someone like me and make me feel things I hadn't felt...ever, then that must be it. We moved in together and that's when things drastically changed. First, to make sure he had a hold on me, he proposed to me. Of course I said yes. That's when the abuse started. It started small. I would accidently burn his dinner. Or I would iron his shirts the wrong way. The night he hit me for the first time, I was washing the dishes and a little bit of water fell on the floor, causeing him to slip. He pushed me up against the wall and grabbed me by the throat. He asked me why I made him do that to me. Assuming he was joking, I made a smart assed remark. Honestly, I can't even remember what it was now, but it was enough for him to push me onto the floor and kick me in the stomach. He was real careful about never hitting me in the face...said I was too pretty for that. Most women would look for a way out right then. Nope, not me. I was scared beyond scared. As an ending result of this relationship, I had recieved 4 broken ribs, a broken jaw, countless amounts of bruises, and emotional scars that would never heal. The only reason I was able to get out of that hell was because of my quick thinking one night.

He had thrown me up against a wall and being that we lived in an apartment building, I began loudly banging on the shared wall, causing our neighbors to call the cops. The cop, the most wonderful man...ever... Officer Black. He told me if I didn't get out, he was going to kill me. And it was very fortunate he was there and saw everything because Jerry's family was very powerful and if someone didn't see it, he would have walked. I got a restraining order. I don't know if he's still in jail or not. Probably not.

I have never hated or feared anyone the way he has made me hate and fear him. I've been married to a great guy for nearly 4 years and as a result of my relationship with Jerry, for the first 2 years, I wouldn't go to sleep until I knew he was asleep. When he and I have arguments, no matter how heated they get, I still wait for the inevitable slap in the face. For the first 2 years of my marriage, I wasn't open with my husband for fear of having it used against me. I didn't introduce him to my friends...I kept him from my family. I was afraid of who he might turn into. And to this day anytime I see someone that even slightly resembles Jerry...I freeze, my heart starts beating faster, and I start to shake.

***Take this any way you want...I'd like to call it a warning.