Day by Day

Everyday I wake up,
with the same shit on my mind.
What's on my agenda,
how will I get high.
My days are getting numbered,
from all the things I do.
If I would disappear now,
would I even leave a clue.
I try to get myself straight,
easier said then done.
All i do is ask God,
am I the only one?
I know I'm not the smartest guy,
and I'm okay with that.
But I feel like god took a knife,
and stabbed me in the back.
I watch the blood fall down my arm,
waiting for that rush.
Untie my arm just one more time,
I can never get enough.
How am I to do good,
when I can't control myself.
I would trade all possessions,
for a cleaner bill of health.
I always have this haunting,
tearing at my thoughts.
I can't ever get away from it,
I never even fought.
I did all this to myself,
there is no one else to blame.
But at the time it felt so right,
not a single ounce of shame.
I know I can't go on like this,
it's tearing me apart.
But why should I even care,
I never had a heart.
If anyone knew what I had done,
my future would be crushed.
I wll not stop, there is not a chance.
I would rather just give up.