TGW (The Great Ginger War) Side stories.

==> Homosexual

Mother sighed, drinking her generic liquid as brisk wind flew by. A newspaper shot through the window (why was it open again?) and mother picked it up in her fingers. She read the title.

"Navigating a homosexual child?!?! IT SEEMS THEY ARE THE NEW TREND?!?!?! I GUESS I HAVE TO GET OVER MY FEAR OF HOMOSEXUALS!?!?!" Mother gets apprehensive. The plot thickens.

Charles shuffles in his chair, not because he was afraid of his mother learning of his homosexuality, but because he hadn't worked up the courage to say his 3-page "I'm gay" speech and didn't have the flashcards presently.

A few hours pass. Mother returns to the kitchen where Charles, James, Unnamed Female Child, Zucorpes and Sprinkles the Cat are.

"Which of you are prepared to be my homosexual child!" she stammers but loud in volume.

Charles becomes frightened, the sunlight wasn't shining at a 90-degree angle! She mustn't know yet.

"Erm, none of us are homosexuals Mother," Charles lies.

"Well, I guess one of you is now. Don't worry Charles. Due to you being straight as a ruler, you will not be designated as my homosexual child. Unnamed Female Child, as you are the only option, will you be my homosexual child?"

Unnamed Five-Year-Old Child eye rolls in sass. "Mother I am already canonically/implied to be asexual."

"Oh, I forgot that piece of information. I guess Sprinkles the Cat is gay now. I CAN'T BE THE ONLY MOTHER WITHOUT A HOMOSEXUAL CHILD. I NEED TO GO TO PRIDE PARADES AND LISTEN TO CHAPPELL ROAN IN PEACE."

Sprinkles the Cat meows in decline.

"Mother.... I am a homosexual," James says deceiving her deceivingly.

"Oh James, I forgot you exist due to you being written out most of the time. Of course you're a homosexual, you're British; causing you to talk strangely and have a largely sized obsession with Jack Frost!" Mother replied.

Charles growls gayly at his twin brother, who smirks evilly in response. HE KNOWS. Charles gasps. James was.... devious?!?!? Everyone thought Sprinkles the Cat was the only devious one.

Mother sends the children back to their quarters. Charles followed James back to the mines because he stole his spotlight by pretending to be gay. Charles could not stand for this, causing him to sit in the mines with James.

"I see you've decided to sit," James spoke, "but, I know your secrets, this is because you decided to share them in the middle of the dining room, and also I have really good hearing. You are a homosexual and Unnamed Five-Year-Old Child is a 42-year-old witch stuck in a five-year-old's body. But I always knew you were a gay. I heard you attempting to hit Renee Rapp's high notes while watching But I'm a Cheerleader on an illegal website."

"Well James, I did in fact hit the Snow Angel high note pleasantly and I bet you can't because your voice is somehow affected from being in the mines. I hope you trip and bruise your knee as well as your ego later on," Charles replied.

Charles felt angst toward James so he went to Unnamed Five-Year-Old Child for moral support because she had a strong hatred toward James for no apparent reason.

"What is it, Charles?" Unnamed Five-Year-old Female child asked, looking up at him from her undisclosed location.

Charles cleared his throat.

"James is....devious." He whispered, glancing around nervously.

Unnamed 5-Year-old female child suddenly had a very silly and devious expression on her face. "Ho ho ho," she chortled. "Yes, I am planning deviously at this present moment."

Charles nodded, rubbing his hands together deviously. "Very good, yes." He says wisely. "We shall reveal his true nature."

And so they did just that, but made sure to plan off screen.

Charles walked into the room Mother was in and gasped very loudly and dramatically. This startled Mother, her war times reminding her of the constant gasping.

Unnamed 5-Year-Old Female Child walked in soon after, smirking evilly before she dramatically tripped and pretended to bruise her ego.

Mother gasped, "Child, are you okay? You tripped and bruised your ego, and Charles...gasped!"

Unnamed 5 year old female child and Charles shared a devious eye contact moment, before both sighing very loudly.

"You see," Charles began wisely, "there is...." He shared a nervous glance with Unnamed 5 year old child, who got the message and began to speak.

"There is an imposter among us!" She exclaimed loudly, "it's legit messing up our groove!"

Mother gasped again, even more loud. Unnamed 5 Year Old Female Child stifled the need to turn this into a gasping competition, the war taught her not to meddle in such gasping witchcraft...just other types.

"Among us...." Mother whispered, "..the groove!!" She shook her head violently, but didn't make any neck music, to the relief of everyone. "No, this will not do!!" Mother yells.

Unnamed 5 Year Old Female Child and Charles shared a knowing look before nodding and agreeing with mother.

They all head to the study to work on the among us groove lying gasp defense plan.

"What is the plan of action?" Charles said seriously, wearing a rather dapper hat.

Mother looked at the large painting of four squares and a triangle. She could never figure out what it meant, but she looked at it as if it held the answers of every thing that had an answer ever.

Unnamed 5 Year Old Female Child scratched her chin, despite not having a beard. She suddenly had a devious look on her skull skin, she smirked. "Hm...maybe...James, the 'homosexual' will know..."

Mothers eyes lit up, "thank you, abstract square triangle painting..." she whispered, before addressing her two spawns. "Children, we will interrogate my new favouri- James."

Charles and unnamed 5 year old female child secretly share a 'fist bump.'

James is called down to the study, where a large light is shined in his face. He writhed in agony, before it is turned away by mother, after she realised he has sensitive eyes from always being underground in the mines.

"James.....do you know...there is a..." Mother wept a little bit. "Imposter among us...messing up grooves?"

James looked very suspicious, he gulped. "That's wild, chap." He stammered out, sweating.

"You look...sweaty James. Why are you n-n-nervous?" Mother asked with narrowed eyes, slowly becoming suspicious of the suspicious looking man. "Do you have any....information?

Unnamed 5-Year-Old Female Child took this tense moment to steal the floor. "Well Mother....according to my calculations...James lied about his...homosexuality."

Mother gasped, looking scandalised. "This can't be! Charles, you and James are twins, I think. Use your magical straight person judging to decree!!"

Charles wept at being called straight, but agreed. "Hm....it appears...I agree with Unnamed 5 Year Old Female Child's verdict!! He has the stench of...LIES!!"

James squirmed, the light being shown upon him again. "Tell the truth, child...or else your darkness accustomed sinful eyes will be blinded with gog!!!!" Mother exclaimed.

Charles and Unnamed 5 year old female child nervously inched out of the room as they expected her to rampage.

"Fine!" James relented, "I'm...not gay," he whispered. Mother gasped, eyes watering. "I'm..." James continued. "Actually just questioning...!"

Mother fled to the river, and began to weep. James also fled, this time to go to the mines and do whatever he does. Mining, being British, LYING ABOUT HIS SEXUALITY, Jack Frost stanning.

Unnamed 5 Year Old Female Child high five, suddenly, James notices that the sun is at a 90 degree angle...it's perfect!!! He ran away elegantly, ignoring Unnamed 5 Year Old Female child's confused glance.

Charles looked around everywhere, his 3 page coming out speech...it's time! He barged into his own room, and gasped at the sight...Zucorpse?

"Zucorpse! What are you eating?!" Charles asked, scandalous, wondering why Zucorpse is in his room.

Zucorpse swallowed the paper and scurried into the vents..it was at that moment Charles realised...that was his coming out speech!!

Charles fell to his knees. "nooooooooooooooo"

Sadness filled him as he cried homosexually.

==> More coming soon!