Anita, Did You Go to Hell?

"Anita, Did You Go to Hell?"
By Sugaree

"Where are you, Anita?"




“Mamma, can I go baby-sit for Anita tonight?” I asked confident that she did not know my real reason for wanting so badly to baby-sit, especially since I had eight siblings my junior and at least four cousins that practically lived with us to sit for.

“Are your chores done?”

“Yes.”

“Okay. I’ll drop you off on my way to the club,” Mamma said as she continued splashing her perfumed bath water.

I called Anita back to verify what time I’d be there, not that it made a big difference. She would always be there anyway.

“Anita? Mamma said she’ll bring me on her way to the club. What time is Thaddeus going to come?”

“He’ll be here. Don’t you worry. See you when you get here. Katrina is already sleep so you don’t have to worry about her,” she assured.

I went to my room to pick out the sexiest outfit in my closet. My stepfather had been extra horny lately. I was fourteen by now and realized that he was never going to stop having sex with me so I just started charging him. Mamma was never going to believe me anyhow. Why not get what I needed too?

I choose a Chiffon blouse with a black background and red roses that tied in the front and some skin tight black shorts. My full breast showed like two perfect moons. At least that’s what Thaddeus called them. I was in love with him. I loved his tall manly body. I especially loved that his power. He was the Mayor’s son. Some folk even said that he'd probably be the mayor next year or year after for sure. It didn’t matter that he was thirty-five. I was mature for my age and he knew this and loved me too. He just couldn’t let anyone know because of my age. It was just me, Anita and his secret that we were lovers.

Anita was very nice to me. She always made sure that I had whatever it was I wanted when I arrived at her house. I never really had to be bothered with her daughter. She knew that I needed a break from all the chores and siblings I had to tend to. She always made sure that Thaddeus came too. She understood my feelings for him.

I’d confided in her the things my stepfather was doing. She became my closest friend. She called me and I called her constantly. I always kept her abreast of what was going on. I always told her when my stepfather had sex with me and how much money, if any, he’d give. I told her how pissed I’d be when he gave me a different amount than agreed upon. She’d talk to him about it since they frequented the same bar. She always made him feel guilty and he would give the money to her and she made sure that I would get it. She wasn’t working so sometimes I’d loan her part of it. Since she was so nice, I never expected her to pay me. I was just happy that she made a way for me to be with Thaddeus and didn’t tell anyone. I loved her for that.

Mamma was almost done getting dressed. I had not made my final decision on what to where. I wanted so badly for Thaddeus to see me as a woman so choosing the right clothes was really important. I changed about three times before I decided to go with my first choice. I put the clothes in my backpack and headed to the car. This night was going to be very special, thanks to Anita.

I walked up to the door and there stood Anita. She smiled and pointed toward her living room area. I walked past her as she opened her screen to chat with my mother before she pulled off in a hurry to go to the party or card game or somewhere. I heard my mother's car scurry off.

"Ok, Pamela. See ya at the party later. I'm going to stay home a while and rest. I'll be there in a couple of hours," she lied to my mother then closed the screen door. She walked in the room where I sat staring at the clothes. She knew I liked the stuff and was just happy to see the smile on my face. I could tell.

My eyes lit up at the bags of sexy clothes she’d bought me. She was so nice. She knew that I had a limited supply. I tried on several outfits until I got to one that really caught my eye.

It was turquoise and orange chiffon with long elegant sleeves that flowed like the gowns JaJa Gabore wore on Green Acres. I loved that sit-com and often dreamt of the day I could wear the sexy gowns too. Anita told me to put that one on because Thaddious would probably like that one best. She instructed me to take the hot bath she’d drawn for me. I did. I prempted until it was almost time for him to arrive. Anita pinned my hair up and let my natural curls hang slightly against my face.

She told me to walk into the room slowly, with a slight smile on my face and to gently kiss his lips when he arrived. She said that men love seductive women. She said that is how you keep them satisfied. I wanted nothing less so I embraced every syllable she offered on how to keep Thaddy satisfied.

Finally, he arrived. My heart paced and my hands trembled a bit. She told me to go into her room and get the joint off of her night stand. I did that too. Thaddy sat in her dimly lighted room while she came in her room and showed me how to smoke it. I enhaled and held the smoke in a few times. A strange feeling came over me. I recalled having this feeling before but just couldn’t think of when.

It was show time now. Anita reminded me how to walk sexy and a few other quick reviews of ‘lady in love’ etiquette. I walked into the room and Thaddy stood up to kiss me, just the way Anita said he would. I liked it. It hadn’t felt anything like the kisses my stepfather would try to give me when he was doing his do. I hated those stinky kisses and would bite his lips everytime. He never slapped me except for that one time. I didn’t care. His slaps didn’t hurt worse than Mamma’s.

His kisses reminded me of my favorite song that I played over and over, by Evelyn Champaign King, “Kisses Don’t Lie.” Since I was taller than most of the boys in my class, I didn’t have a boyfriend like the other girls. I didn’t need them anyway now since I had Thaddy now. Mine was much better than theirs. He was tall and sorta handsome, but very tall especially. He made me feel normal, like the other girls in my class. It was probably going to be some taller girls in high school and maybe even taller boys so that I wouldn’t feel so much like an out of place giant.

Thaddy continued his kisses all the way down to my breast. I wasn’t scared though. He hugged me and told me how beautiful I looked. I just smiled and turned to let him see the rest of the new outfit. He pulled me back close to him. That’s when I felt that bulge, the one like my father’s and my stepfather’s. I tried not to panic. I told him that I needed some water. I went toward the kitchen but then detoured to find Anita.

I told her what he wanted to do. She said that all men want that and it’s our job to satisfy them. She relit the joint and gave it to me. I smoked some more and took the gum she handed me then headed back into the living room to satisfy my man. He was still bulging. He pulled me down to sit on his lap. Panic took over again but this time I just ignored it.

Thaddy and I kissed for what seemed like forever. I didn’t want to kiss. I just needed to get that part over so that we could talk like we used to do when we first me at his bar that time my mother had me helping with a party she gave. I could tell that Mamma knew he liked me cause he’d always give her drinks on the house. She even let me drink. I didn’t like it but all of the grown folk probably would have laughed at me like the other times so I just drank it down, fast. I learned to like it.

Thaddy started pulling my clothes off. I let him. He wasn’t looking at my face like he used to. He just pulled his belt apart, unzipped his pants and got on top of me. I didn’t scream like I used to do with my father. Thaddy wasn’t hurting me. He was making me feel good. He really liked me, I could tell. He did the same things my father and stepfather did though. He pushed inside of me, then moved and then grunted some strange noise and suddenly I was sitting there alone. I guess I’d drifted off to sleep or something, like the other times.

Anita came to wake me up. Her thick glasses scared me and I began to scream. She turned the light on so that I could see that it was her. I guess I thought it was my stepmother or someone else. Maybe I was having a nightmare. Anita went on to the party where my mother was. I went to bathe again then went back to sleep. The party was at Thaddy’s bar so he had to be there too. That must have been where he went to off so fast.

Before Anita left, she gave me some money that Thaddy had left for me. It was thirty-five dollars. I was going to have a ball at the mall getting me some nice shirts and shorts. Thaddy really did like me like he said he did.

The next morning I walked home. I stopped by the mall that was right across the parking lot from my house. I got some lip gloss, polish and some shorts and cute haircombs with flowers on them like the Emotions wore. I had to hide my things in my backpack before going in just in case Mamma had gotten up. She was probably going to want to use some of my money but I had enough to share and still get some things I wanted too.

Mamma was still sleep but my little sisters and brothers were awake to let me in. I looked at the mess in the kitchen and knew that someone was going to get a beat-down if that wasn’t cleaned by the time Mamma woke up. Just as I was thinking that, I could her here coming out of her room. I rushed to my own room to put my new things away.

I heard her hollering so I just stuffed the things under my mattress and went to see what she wanted.

“Bitch, I know you saw this kitchen when you came in here,” is what she said, followed by a slap across my face before I could finish telling her that I’d just made it home. As her hand went back to slap me again, I saw a huge bandage on her arm. I wanted to ask what had happened but she was in such a rage I thought it best not to ask.

She continued, “Get this mothafuckin house cleaned up.” I was silently crying and wishing that I could go back to Anita’s where she treated me like a human being, with dignity and respect. I just cleaned the mess up my six siblings had made and kept quiet.

It was a Saturday, plus school was out for the summer. I was hoping that Mamma would hurry up and leave so that my friends could come over. They always made me laugh. I was so lucky to have not one or two but four friends even though they were all boys. I always felt protected around them. They were all blackbelt in Karate. They were already in high school. They were excited that I’d be going to their high school soon. The plan was that they’d walk me to school everyday. I couldn’t wait to go either. The summer was really going to be long having to stay home and clean and baby sit and run away from Danny and his touchy feely hands all the time. Well, at least I’d have my pretty school clothes all bought up by the time school started so that I could look real good as a high school girl.

I was going to join plenty of groups so that I wouldn’t have to come home. Mamma didn’t let me. She needed someone to watch the kids. I was able to join the Drama Club though. That’s where I met a boy that I really did like. His name was Troy Watts. He was such an excellent actor. He started walking me home from school the days I could go t my aunts house which was much closer to the school.

One day we stopped by his house to drop some of his things off. His house was a mansion. I couldn’t believe my eyes. It made lots of sense though. He was super intelligent and caring and loving. He liked me too. I guess we were going to have to do that ‘satisfying’ thing one day soon. I wonder what men get out of doing something like that all of the time. They’re always grunting and making weird noises. You’d think they were in pain or having a seizure. He never asked and I never said a word about it either. One day I thought he was when he kissed me. He never did though.

I met a bad boy, however cute soon after that. He was real bad. I had never had sex with a boy my own age but it felt the same. He really did hurt more since he did it much much faster than my daddy, Thaddy and my stepfather. It was some more men but I just could never remember their names for some reason.

I guess I went to sleep while they did it like I always do when that’s happening. I hate the sounds of it when it’s happening and I hate the sounds they make and I hate smells of their breath huffing and puffing and grunting in my face trying to kiss me like we were in love or something. I hated it. I just started going to sleep and waking up later and they were gone. I hated to hear my sisters and brothers eat cause they smacked their food and it always sounded like the ‘do’ to me.