Staremaster

STAREMASTER by James Fox

A few years ago, when I was supposed to be walking for exercise, I happened encounter a buddy of mine also out walking. I hesitated when he suggested that we stop in at a local coffee shop up the street. But, I caved when he hit me with his plaintive plea, "Hey, come on...they also have donuts! Always fresh and... they add sprinkles!" 

So, mindful of our exercise regimen, we fast-walked up to the coffee shop. There we each ordered a cup of coffee and some donuts and sat in a booth near the front door.  As we talked and sipped coffee, I had a full view of the street through the shop's window. I saw a really buff, fitness-guru type, was jogging along the sidewalk. With real macho styling, he'd removed his shirt to show off his chiseled abs.

As that Mister Macho jogged along, I noticed that he seemed to be staring, and staring, at a gal in spandex, across the street, jogging in the opposite direction. I figured, probably waiting to see if she 'd gaze in adoration at his Adonis body.

Just then, 'whang,' he hit a diagonal cable that braced a telephone pole! The impact literally suspended him in mid-stride. Instinctively he wrapped his arms around the cable. But his momentum carried him through a complete spin around the cable, as he clutched it close.

He jumped back, whipping his head left and right, checking to see if anybody had seen his collision with the cable. Even though he deserved some consequence for his ogling, I was relieved that only his ego seemed to have been bruised. And apparently, the sun’s glare off of the shop's windows prevented him from spotting any of us inside.

I didn't realize that my slightly out-of-shape friend me was also watching until he growled, "I hope that pulled out his chest hair." We both guffawed as did a half a dozen other patrons, who must have also seen Mister Macho hugging that cable.

Grinning, my buddy joked, "We should come here again. Coffee, donuts and a floor show!"

I protested, "We're supposed to be walking for exercise; besides, I don't think he will make that mistake again. Lesson learned."

Then we both went back to drinking our coffee and eating donuts, having known all along that jogging can be dangerous.

This bit of humor was originally published in Big Rapids Biz Journal beneath an article about a brand-new coffee shop.
At an open mic reading for a fundraiser, I followed this with another of my stories - The Coffee Monkey