 Comedy: June 05, 2024 Issue [#12574] |
This week: Back at the Northern Command Center Edited by: Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥ  
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| You know something? I've heard birds can get aggressive during nesting season. I never thought one would turn on me. Plus, my TV died. I didn't want a Smart TV, but ... |
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Hello folks! It’s WebWitch back in New England. Florida is lovely in the winter, but too hot for me once May is underway.
As I was preparing to leave Florida around mid-May, I had packed up things for the road, dust-covered furniture even though AC must run all summer to prevent mold. (Yeah, Florida is a humid place.) I prepped some food to eat for the road, and also enough to microwave in the hotel so no need to go out to eat after a long day of travel. Once that was all done the car would be packed that night to get on the road the following day. Everything well-planned. With all that preparation pretty much done before car-packing, I thought one last afternoon at the pool would be a great way to say goodbye to my Florida friends and enjoy the sun and tan reinforcement one last time before going North.
We arrived in the clubhouse parking lot, grabbed towels and started for the pool. There are lovely landscaping palms and flowering bushes on the way to the pool gate. One ornamental bush was about my height. As I walked close to it a Mockingbird landed right there. I was able to look her right in the eye and marveled at her bravery to stay so close to a human. However, the Mockingbirds in our community are very used to people coming and going past them. I loved Mockingbirds! You notice I said “loved,” past tense?
I walked on after noticing the Mocker in the bush, a couple bushes away from the pool gate. I proceeded to go by the last bush before placing my hand on the gate. Suddenly, I felt a peck in the back of my head. I turned to see the culprit! Right next to a sign warning “Caution, birds nesting!” Yeah, that’s right, I got pecked by that little she-demon, Mocker, who I have not harassed for one moment, just went on my way down the path toward the pool. It’s a walk taken by most of the folks already in the pool who didn’t take the back gate. Yes! They were happily sunning and swimming and floating. (Yeah, they all “float” there.  ) None of them complained of being attacked by a Mockingbird on their way into the pool. Just me. That’s why I used to love Mockingbirds.
When I think of the year one came to my window in winter, up North, before my Florida days, and called for me to feed it. That's right, every night until spring that Mocker called out with its whistle, saw I acknowledged her, and then flew to the back door to wait for me to leave some food. 
Getting back up North means unpacking, de-dusting, removing covers and needing to buy another TV. The old one gave up the ghost. Also, I dumped Dish Network. I’ve had it for twenty years, but now? It seems they're out-dating Hoppers every couple years so a customer has to contract with them for another couple years to get a new one activated. I had an old receiver that lasted most of the twenty years until they no longer supported it. Did you hear that? In order to get rid of those and push a Hopper, they stopped sending signals to the old receiver. That’s a big BOO for Dish from me. A Hopper that was only two years old needed updating? I told them to come and get their Satellite receiver and the Hopper and cancel my Dish. They told me they didn’t want it back I could recycle it. Yeah, recycle? It’s their equipment, I’m not responsible for recycling it. 
What do I do, now? Twenty years ago when I had Cable TV and they started creeping up with the cost of tiers and levels so that even the Hallmark Channel was placed at a higher level than the original Cable Channel plan. Each year it seems, they were upping the cost for those channels or placing favorites on a higher level. These were not even the premium channels, HBO, Max, and stuff like that. I fired them! They were known as Charter Cable. I got Dish and was very content with them until recently.
“Oh, WebWitch what did you do? Did you unplug?”
Thanks for asking. No, I didn’t unplug. You see, with the different apps needed to get what I enjoyed watching, I figured it was going to get costly as well. Plus, deciding which basic app plus add ons I’d need was something that would take me a long time to do. Also, I needed another TV program supplier to get angry with before I feel really pressed to pull the plug.  Instead of that, I saw an ad in my mail with a discount on Spectrum. I already Have Spectrum Internet Service, so figured just add TV. That was simple enough. They required Smart TV to make the whole thing work. Fortunately I had just bought the TV and it was loaded with Smart crap, but I have shows I like to watch and didn’t want to wait.
Now, I have a new TV, fast internet, and am content … for now. After all, where did this Spectrum come from? It’s been around for several years, but seemed to come out of nowhere. But I knew better. As Dish was becoming more and more unbearable, and I had fired Charter all those years ago, I realized Spectrum used to be Charter. How does Charter live up to a bad rap from the earlier years? You know how … change its name to Spectrum.  I’ll give them a chance for a couple years or so. If they fail me, well, I believe Dish will try to woo me back with credits, freebies, long term satisfaction of channels and longevity of Hoppers.
I now have a Smart TV filled with many apps giving me a chance to decide which I could live with and which I could live without should I unplug. It’s one of those decisions that takes more time for me to figure out. I'm sure you'll hear about it when I do decide. 
That’s all she booed and wooed for this month’s Comedy Newsletter!
Until next time—laugh hard, laugh often!
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Two friends discuss the last word E. A. Poe was reported to have said. 2017 Quill nominee.
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