 Comedy: November 09, 2016 Issue [#7957] |
  Comedy
This week: Comedy Relief for NaNo Writers Vol II Edited by: Lornda  
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This week's Comedy Editor:
Lornda
Six months ago, I received a wonderful review on my first article, "Comedy Relief for NaNo Writers" from Cat Voleur  . We exchanged a couple of emails, and she encouraged me to write another volume, so here I am to hopefully entertain you with a few laughs. 
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Comedy Relief for NaNo Writers Vol II
"The art of writing is the art of applying the seat of the pants to the seat of the chair."
~ Mary Heaton Vorse
The average American sits for thirteen hours a day, and with NaNo in full swing, those numbers are probably higher. Checking the word count at NaNo'er List , it might be time for you to get your seat off the seat and have a laugh. Here are a few humorous steps to follow. It will help enhance your NaNo experience and also give you the needed Comedy relief to keep writing.
 Step One: Loosen Up
Get off the chair and stretch like a cat or dog. Release the stress and pretend to chase your tail. Bond with your inner cat or dog. Act like a cat and dog and feel refreshed. Need help? Check out the following videos for a couple of tips to help you loosen up:
 Step Two: Self-Check
If you're frustrated, are you sure you've taken care of this check list?
Facebook: Have you logged on it recently? Do not venture into this time waster. You know what they say, "Being a writer is 3% hard work and 97% not getting distracted by the internet."
Sleeping: No sleeping allowed. Only naps.
People: Tell every person you're unavailable until Dec. 1st - even the neighbor who wants to borrow a cup of sugar. You might want to beg or bribe one person to send coffee, food, a housekeeper, a dog walker, and a babysitter.
Mirrors: Cover them all -- believe me, you don't want to look at yourself. You will fall into a trance and never go back to the computer. You will be convinced that living Zombies do exist.
Reading: You really want to read a novel other than the one you're writing? You have no time to read stinkin' books.
Phones: Cut off all contact with anyone or anything. Shut it off, and tell everyone that if they need to contact you, they can slip a note under the door or send something through snail mail. You will then proceed to not read any of these communications until Dec. 1st.
In other words: Live an unbalanced life until NaNo is finished.
 Step Three: The Real Life
Convince yourself there's nothing going on in the real life. Don't even watch the news. It will distract you. Here is a small update of a few things happening in the world.
 Real Life Newspaper Headlines:
Big Rig Carrying Fruit Crashes on 210 Freeway - Creates Jam
Students Cook & Serve Grandparents
Bugs flying around with wings are flying bugs
Grass growing faster after rain
Hospital resorts to hiring doctors
Postman's speed fine got lost in the mail
Man in boxers leads police on brief chase
Step Four: Sing a Song Out Loud
Singing releases endorphins which make you feel happy and less stressed. Challenge yourself and sing whatever comes into your mind. Perhaps this fact will help you decide which song: The British Navy uses 'Britney Spears' songs to scare off Somali pirates. Try singing one of her songs out loud and scare yourself to finish NaNo. Or, why not search the Styx's tune of Sail Away, turn the volume down a tad, and while listening to the music, sing the lyrics post below instead. You'll be laughing so hard you'll pee a little which will save you a trip to the bathroom.
Step Five: Take a moment to laugh.
Laughter will improve your creativity, enhance oxygen intake, keep your blood pressure in-check, and ease digestion so you can eat more chips and cookies. Enjoy these Puns, One Liners, and Cat Video!
 Puns to relieve the stress:
Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.
A group of chess enthusiasts had checked into a hotel, and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?", they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
A backward poet writes in-verse
One Liners:
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Women over 50 don't have babies because they would put them down and forget where they left them.
Change is inevitable except from vending machines.
One of life's mysteries is how a 2 pound box of candy can make a woman gain 5 lbs.
 Cat Video:
Because she has no time to check out the latest Simon's Cat episode, the following YouTube video is dedicated to NaNo participant, Cat Voleur . According to her review, ( Invalid Review  ) she enjoys watching this series. Make sure you check it out. You might want to mirror the cat's actions to make you feel better so you can finish the novel pronto!
Following these steps can relieve some of the stress and help you reach the finish line. You can now glue your seat back to the seat and finish the novel. One last thought. For those of you who do complete your NaNo novel, and edit and polish -- edit and polish-- and then submit it, remember this important quote:
Chocolate: the confection that cures rejection
All the best NaNo writers. 
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 Encourage any of the NaNo writers found on the list by reviewing or sending an inspirational and funny cNote for them to reach their goal. ( These cNotes are perfect! Created by: Brandiwyn🎶 "[ASR] (de)Motivational cNotes" [ASR] & "(de)Motivational cNotes" [18+] ) Here are a few NaNo writers that have posted the link to their novels:
 Comedy items about writing:
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Have an opinion on what you've read here today? Then send the Editor feedback! Find an item that you think would be perfect for showcasing here? Submit it for consideration in the newsletter!
https://www.Writing.Com/go/nl_form
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Holy, Comedy Newsletter, Batman! It's been a year since I wrote my last newsletter. I wasn't going to include the feedback from: "Analyzing WdC Stats" , but there were some funny reactions to it. Especially, poor Matt Bird MSci (Hons) AMRSC  's plea for help. Sorry, Matt, I hope some of the Comedy readers take pity on you and donate. 
Nixie🦊  :
Lornda! I just spent half an hour looking at my review stats. That was not factored into my WdC time allotment for today. What I discovered? I wrote my first review for Powers on 2011 Nov. 5. using various colored fonts.  My review stats by author? Nothing I expected to see. Evidently, I review more people than one person the most. And the most reviewed? Complete mystery.
ladeecaid:
I didn't know all of those stats were there. That is really awesome. The word stats bores me, and just thinking about the act of looking at them is like grueling work. There are no pictures, and I suck at math. But then I look, and I am enthralled. It happens every time. I'm so glad you shared.
eyestar~* :
HI Lornda! This is so cool and I can see a lot of time and effort went into searching these out. It can help newbies too. I admire your candid ability to laugh at yourself too. And yes, I recently did go back to my early reviews--it is interesting. Honour our learning curve! Funny choices of reads too. Thanks.
Sum1's In Schaumburg  :
You 'made' me go back and look at my early reviews too. I also read those stories or poems again. Some brought back memories, some didn't. I am embarrassed by my first 15 or so reviews, mainly because I didn't capitalize my singular i's, lol. This is my very first review: "very nice, i would like to read of her trip back." Yep, exactly how I wrote it. Sheesh! What's a little surprising, is I haven't received a response to several reviews, even after I start writing them 'properly'. I still owe a few responses from long, long ago, I will get them done this week or next. Thanks for an enlightening newsletter!
Matt Bird MSci (Hons) AMRSC :
1 billion gift points in circulation. But an average of 2815 GPs per person. Knowing my GP count and knowing that many members have far more than I do, I have to ask the obvious question. In modern day society how can the distribution of wealth be so skewed? Are we the wealthy 1% that has more than half of the world' (read WdC's) wealth? Is that a fair and just society?
We must work together to stop this injustice. Call 0808 157 0123 to donate. Just £2 a month can save a struggling writer from the Block. £5 a month will allow a group of writers to get the Comma Sense education they deserve. We can stop this suffering!
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