The Raven Part 5: Hell On Earth

Chapter 3

Alexis Hamilton strode out confidently through the dust ridden hillside of her new home. She stopped on a jagged overlook to take in the view. She loved this spot. The lake of fire bubbling down below, the sound of screaming faintly being carried on the wind, and the hint of sulfur and burnt flesh was incredibly soothing to her broken mind. She could see the Citadel in the distance; a large tower erected in the center of one of Hell's outposts. She plopped down on the rocky outcrop, and smiled to herself. She never would have guessed that life after death could be this enjoyable.

Admittedly, she hadn't expected anything after Goth murdered her, but she'd hadn't been shocked to find out she ended up in Hell. She served herself in all things, and while she was crazy, she knew that the things she had done hadn't exactly been what most considered good. What had come as more of a shock than anything, however, was the level of bureaucracy that Hell operated on! In a weird way it made sense. Even with as many screws loose as she had, Alexis detested the red tape system that permeated the world of the living. The systems in place here, however, were at least more entertaining. The meetings, boring business talk, and her coworkers were still tedious and annoying, but at least the subjects she dealt with were fun.

She glanced down at her shirt and a glistening crimson badge with the number 762 engraved in it. Her subordinates and fellow board members had told her what exactly it meant several times, but she didn't care enough to remember. All she cared about was the power that came with the badge. Thanks to it, and her new boss Dorothy, she had been placed in charge of Special Handling, Interrogations, and Acquisitions of All New Arrivals! Essentially, it had become her job to acclimate new people, handle those that went rogue in the system, and ascertain specific items of interest for Dorothy herself. Serving somebody wasn't her ideal place, but for the most part she was allowed to do as she pleased because of it. All she really had to do was locate doorways, pick up a few odd trinkets, and investigate specific locations whenever her boss asked. A pretty simple bit, and a fair exchange for the freedom she was allowed!

She sighed as she looked out into the desolate landscape, and replayed her last meeting with the tightwad asskissers on the board:

She'd walked through the halls of the Hell Spire Headquarters an hour and half late for her scheduled meeting. It was slated for noon, but how anyone could tell time on this place was beyond her. She'd kicked the doors to the boardroom open, and as a result earned several disgruntled looks from the board members. She ignored them as she walked over to her usual spot, and she tossed Jenkins, an aged demon with green skin and large horns, out of her seat. Why people kept trying to take her spot, she'd never know.

"Ms. Hamilton," Broadfoot, a large demoness and head of the committee, said with a sigh, "You're late, and I do wish you would sit in your assigned seat."

She rolled her eyes and leaned back in the large office chair, "I told you before, Broadie, this is my seat," she replied as she slipped her shoes off and propped her feet up on the table, much to the disgust of her peers, "Jenkie over here can have the little chair. Small chair for a small-time guy!"

"I've been with our company for centuries!" Jenkins exclaimed, "I oversaw the expansion of-"

"Blah, blah, blah," Alexis cut him off while mocking him with her hand, "You did this, she did that, he blew him, who fucking cares?!"

"You entitled little brat!" Jenkins exclaimed and was about to lunge at her when Broadfoot interrupted.

"That's enough, Jenkins, we all know your contributions have been invaluable, but our lord and master has decreed that we show Ms. Alexis a certain decorum and respect. That respect, however, is contingent on us being showed the respect we are owed, Ms. Hamilton. Care to explain why you are so late to our scheduled briefing?"

"Not really, no," Alexis replied, "What I do on my own time is none of your business. You want me here, I'm here, better late than never, right?"

Broadfoot pinched the bridge of her nose, took a deep breath, and replied, "How you managed to earn a place in our Mistress' favor is beyond me."

"Talent and good looks!" Alexis beamed, "Let's get this bullshit over with, so I can get on with my life...afterlife?"

Several of her peers grumbled or snarled at her lack of professionalism, but yet again she could care less. As far as she was concerned, these stiff necked sticks in the mud were nothing more than a group built to waste time. She might be dead, but her time was worth more than just sitting in some stuffy boardroom. Broadfoot took another deep breath before asking, "What progress have you made in our Lady's latest assignments?"

"Tracking down Lily and Bilefoot?" Alexis asked, looking for clarification, "Well, Lily is practically a ghost, but there's these three girls I started seeing out in the field. Ash just wants to be left alone, and I'm not about to fuck with her on that. I already told Dorothy that, so why are you asking stupid questions?"

"You were told to secure Ms. Bilefoot and bring her to us so that we might indocturine her into our ranks," Broadfoot argued.

"I did, I gave her the option, and she told me in the nicest was possible to fuck off," Alexis replied, "There's not a lot of people I won't mess with, but Ash has been through enough shit without me intervening. You want her, go get her yourself. If you got a problem with my answer, then take it up with Dorothy."

"We don't take no for an answer, Ms. Hamilton," Broadfoot said through gritted teeth, "We are the supreme-"

"Supreme what?" Alexis interrupted, "If you want to dance with a vampire queen, then be my guest. You want to dance with me, well then I'm right here."

The tension in the room was palpable, and Alexis loved every second of it. She could see how uneasy everyone was getting, and what was even better was how clear she could see Broadfoot debating the challenge. Finally, Broadfoot decided to move on with their conversation, "So you haven't found Lilith, failed with Ms. Bilefoot, and have been cohorting with a triad of concubines, is that right?"

"I wouldn't say cohorting, mostly because it makes you sound pompous but also because it's inaccurate," Alexis replied, "New girls just showed up out of nowhere outside of the Western Ridgeline near Fire Falls, and they keep taking my damn slaves! Doesn't help that the last batch you fucks got for me all broke in less than a week. Honestly, part of the fun of what I do is having them squirm, struggle, and resist!"

"Ms. Hamilton, we have been over this countless times," Janette, the demoness in charge of Processing, replied, "Your methods are simply too much for human souls to take. Perhaps if you were to lessen your ruthlessness then maybe-"

"Where's the fun in that?!" Alexis demanded, "Honestly, back in Metropolis Kitty Cat and my beloved Jake could handle so much more than any of these weaklings you keep sending me!"

"Let's talk about these three girls you've seen, their interference in your operations, and your little outing to the world of the living," Broadfoot said, attempting to reign the conversation in.

"Already told you, Broadie, what I do on my own time is my business not yours," Alexis said, addressing the last part of her statement.

"You performed an illegal possession of a human without proper paperwork or consent from the being!" Broadfoot exclaimed, "We have these practices setup for a reason, Ms. Hamilton, it ensures that their soul comes to us upon death. Your blatant disregard for proper procedure is infuriating."

Alexis promptly put her feet down, and stood up out of her chair. She leaned across the table and looked around the room as she spoke, "Do you fucking hear yourselves? Legality, paperwork, and procedures? This is Hell, you dumb twats, so why the fuck are we so hung up on this redundant and time consuming idiocy?! I got here, to this fucking chair on your fucking board, because I do what I want when I want. I didn't get this seat because of some piece of paper, and I would think that at least one of you would have some kind of backbone. You want to waste my time with a lecture, then I will take my happy ass elsewhere and do something productive. If you want an update on these bitches who keep stealing my slaves, then ask me for that instead!"

"This is ridiculous," Jenkins said, "This girl is a pathetic and useless waste of-"

"This girl has proven more useful and invaluable to my operations than any of you have in a long time," the voice of Dorothy called out as she glided into the room, "The policies in place may have a purpose, but she gets results with or without them. I would advise you all to give her the respect and free reign that she wishes, unless of course you wish to have a private meeting with myself."

Alexis smiled as the acting CEO of the Hell Spire walked in, and she delighted in seeing the color drain from the many faces of the board. It never got old seeing these weird demons change to lighter shades of red, blue, green, or yellow. She sat down and nodded at her boss, "Thank you, mam, I'm glad you could join us."

"Ms….Ms. Dorothy, we weren't expecting," Broadfoot stammered before Dorothy cut her off.

"That's precisely the point, Priscilla," Dorothy interjected, "None of you expect the unexpected unlike our little friend here. She took a mortal for a joy ride, and she will not be punished because of it. Thanks to her, we have an interesting development that we'll discuss momentarily. For now, I'd like to hear what she has to say about these thieves who dare to take her property."

"With pleasure," Alexis said as she took her seat, "So I haven't gotten a great look at them, to be honest, but they're fast. They're not human, I can promise you that, but they're also not vampires like Ash is. Their bodies leave a weird smokey trail where ever they go, but I know they can take corporeal form because when I find my toys they're always broken in. One of them is a blonde, one's a brunette, and the other is a redhead. What's weird is they're mouths. I thought they might be vampiric cause they look like they have blood around their mouths and cheeks, but Ash doesn't know anything about them. They're cheery as fuck, though, and I can hear them laughing before and after they come. Can't track them, though, cause they just disappear once they have what they want. Here one second, and gone the next. It's really starting to piss me off. Might not mind if they'd just share the fun, but Janette over here can't keep up with my demand as is!"

"I see," Dorothy said, "That may not be a problem much longer, dear. I'd like you to focus your efforts on finding these little wraiths and bringing them in for questioning. They may have some connection to our dearest Lilith, and I'd like to speak with them myself. Now, I have some important news for you all. The cracks between our world and the mortal realm are widening. I am not sure how, but we may finally be able to extend our reach into their world. Priscilla, I need to speak with you regarding our plans and possibly moving them up just in case. Watch the skies and points that Alexis has marked for us. If the veil is lifted, I want all of our forces to make an assault on their world. Have your fun, keep whatever you want, and kill as much as you please. Do I make myself clear?"

"Crystal clear, mam," the majority of the board replied.

"They get to go have fun, and I'm stuck here?!" Alexis demanded.

"Find what you can, and bring any information to me, Alexis," Dorothy replied, "I wouldn't deprive my star employee the vacation she so desperately needs, but I need to know where that old fool has hidden herself."

Alexis huffed as she stood up, "Fine, but I better get back out there before dickwads ruin everything!"

She heard Dorothy call out as she stormed out of the room, "You have my word, Alexis, you'll have your fun."

That had been hours ago, and she was getting ancy. She'd spent some time searching for any trace of the mystery women, but there was barely a trace of their existence. She was out of slaves to play with, which meant she also didn't have any bait to use. To put it simply, she was bored out of her mind. She put a hand to her chin, and thought about the fun little encounter she'd had with Jake and Beth. They'd changed quite a bit in her absence, but it had been a blast to play with then again. She wasn't crazy about Jake's new costume, but at least he was alive and back to fighting crime again. They may have been on opposing sides, but she loved him and knew that that was where he was meant to be. She still wasn't sure what he and Beth had been arguing about, though.

Speaking of her favorite Kitty Cat, she was thrilled to see her keeping the mantle and embracing the darkness within her. Getting shot kind of sucked; it had hurt more than she was expecting, but it was worth it to see Feral Beth in action again. She didn't get a good look at the other girl, but she thought it had been Pamela Lavly. She wasn't sure how that could be, though, considering the brutal death that Beth had given the girl. Then again, she'd yet to see her soul anywhere here in the underworld. Still, if she were alive, what was she doing with Jake and Beth? As fun as her job was down here, she really missed being in the loop back on earth. Maybe Jake was dating the blonde bimbo, or maybe Beth had finally come out of the closet. She smiled as she recalled their drunken night together. For being so tough, the girl was a lot kinkier than she liked to admit.

She looked up at the black and red sky and wondered just what was happening back home. The streaks of red were brilliant this time of day, and they highlighted and contrasted beautifully with the pitch colored clouds. There was a certain serenity that came from being in a place of so much suffering. She watched as the clouds began to move, but something was different. She'd seen them roll across the skyline before, but it looked like they were swirling in a sort of funnel formation. She stood up to watch the spectacle more closely, and her eyes widened when she watched three bodies fall out of the funnel. This wasn't how new arrivals were supposed to enter Hell. Any newcomers entered through the Gate either at one of the Citadels or the Spire for proper processing and orientation. What was this then? Had someone actually managed to break into Hell? If so then why? There were only two people who'd be dumb enough to try that, and so she vaulted off of the ridgeline and rushed to investigate.

She'd retained her natural athleticism after death, and had even had it enhanced by Dorothy upon getting enlisted in the inner circle. She landed on the slope of the incline, and began sliding downward. Red dirt and dust were kicked up around her as she flew down the massive hill. She kicked off of jagged rocks that dotted the path, and doubled her speed as she continued down. In a matter of seconds she was on the ground surrounding the Lake of Fire. She broke off into a sprint towards the spot the bodies had landed. She was filled with a sense of hope that maybe she'd finally get to see her beloved again. It felt like an eternity since the last time she'd seen him or Beth for that matter.

She saw a crowd forming around where they had landed. Lesser demons, most likely here to scavenge for food. Three unexpected arrivals outside of a processing gate were prime meat for these lowlives. They were in her way, however, and she decided to make her presence known, "Out of the way fucktards!"

One of the demons turned to look at her and snarled, "Who dares speak to us in such a manner?!"

"Didn't I already run you little fucks off from my slaves?" she asked, "I'm fresh out of toys to play with, but maybe you want to take their place. Beat it before I decide to turn your tongue into my personal foot scrubber!"

"F-Footgirl?!" the demon stammered out before motioning for his comrades to scatter, "Forgive me, madam, I mistook you for a commoner. Let's go, she's claimed these three for herself!"

She watched as the gaggle of monsters scattered quicker than should have been possible. It always made her feel incredible having this sort of power and reputation. She strode over to the pile of bodies, and a wide smile spread across her face as she realized she was right. Laying in an unconscious heap before her was the love of her life. It was perplexing to see that Pamela Lavely was indeed here with him and Beth, but maybe Beth had taken her prisoner or something. She was supposed to be dead, but then again she was a spooky sorceress. It didn't matter. All that mattered was that she had Jake back! She slipped her shoe off as she neared him, and stuck her toes into his open mouth. She could feel him breathing, and she shivered as she felt his tongue subconsciously lick at her toes. God above she'd missed this!

In the back of her mind, however, she knew that she would have to take the three of them in. "Stupid fucking job," she cursed as she threw Jake and Beth over her shoulder and began dragging Pamela, "Maybe Dorothy will let me keep Jake to myself. An eternity with Jake, this really is the happiest place ever!"

Beth came to first. The trip through the portal had been more exhausting than any of them had anticipated. The inertia from the fall had been enough to knock all three of them out, and quite frankly she had no idea where the hell they were. There was a weight on top her, though. She tried to sit up, but a rattling sound told her that she was chained to whatever she was on. The room was dark, but she could tell they were inside. Where exactly, she could say. It was hot. It almost felt like she was in a furnace. Her eyes adjusted slowly to the darkness, and she could barely make her surroundings. There were small tables and trays scattered around the room with different tools scattered on them. A stack of folders rested off to the side, and she could see hooks hanging from the rafters. What was this place?

A door could be heard opening off to the side, and she turned her head as far as she could. A tall skinny woman with blue skin, long curved horns, and a tale flipping back and forth walked in. She wore a pencil skirt, a blazer, and a button up shirt beneath it. She spoke in cheery tone, "You're awake, that's good! Let me be the first to welcome you to the Spire. I'm Janette, and I'm in charge of processing all new arrivals into our world. You've probably got a lot of questions. Where am I? How did I get here? Why am I here? I assure you, we've heard it all before and all questions will be answered during orientation."

"Uhm, okay?" Beth said, baffled by what was going on, "I'm sorry, but uhm are you…"

"I'm the head of Processing for this division of Hell and all new arrivals, yes," Janette replied, "One of our field operatives brought you in. She said the three of you had fallen through the sky without passing through one of the Citadel Gates. Now, hold still and let me get a good look at you."

"Processing? Hell?" Beth repeated, "What the fuck are you on about? Where are my friends?"

"You humans and your inability to see in the dark," Janette laughed, "They're on the tables next to you, dear. They should be-"

"What do you mean I can't have him?!" a familiar voice was heard yelling from another room, "After everything I've done you're not going to let me be with him?! This is bullshit!"

"Is that?" Beth asked before shaking her head, "No, there's no way."

"Pardon the interruption," Janette apologized, "That is just a...work place disagreement. Oh, damnit, where did I put that scanner. It's definitely a Monday. I'll be right back, dearie, I must have left it at my desk."

Beth watched, growing more confused by the second, as the demon woman walked out of the room. "Why does it feel like I'm at the DMV?" she asked herself.

"Ugh, Kitten?" Pam's voice came through the dark, "Where are we?"

"Not sure," Beth replied, "The demon I was talking to said Hell, but we're waiting to be processed before orientation. No idea what that means or where we are exactly, but I guess Hell is like a business or something?"

Pam tried to sit up, but she was bound the same as Beth. Not one to be deterred, she concentrated her power and sliced her bindings. Now freed, she sat up and walked over to Beth to free her as well, "This isn't a time for joking, hon, seriously where are we?"

"I wish it were a joke," Beth replied, "You just missed the weirdest interaction of my life, and that includes all the weird shit you've done with me. She said we're in the Spire, whatever that means, and that we arrived in Hell without passing through a Gate. None of this makes any sense."

"What have I done with you that's weird?" Pam asked as she helped Beth to her feet.

"That's your takeaway?" Beth asked, "Okay, well for starters how about the times you use that size altering spell on me?"

Pam rolled her eyes, "Don't pretend you don't like being held after I play with you like that," she said.

"Moving on," Beth said, "We need to find Jake and get the hell out of...well Hell."

"There is no reason for you to keep him!" the familiar voice screamed, "He's mine, he's always been mine! Now I finally have a chance to keep him, and you want to take that away from me?!"

"What, or rather who, is that?" Pam asked.

"I know that voice, but I'm not sure if I want to find out if I'm right," Beth replied, "Let's just get Jake, and get out of here before Janette comes back."

"Janette? Who's Janette?" Pam asked.

"The demon I was talking to, try to keep up," Beth replied, as though it were obvious.

"None of this makes any sense," Pam said as the two of them walked over to where Jake was laying, "Demons aren't generally kind or cheery."

"That's what I thought," Beth said, "It felt like some kind of weird welcoming party. I doubt the rest of this place is that nice, though, and I'd rather not stick around to find out. Cut his chains."

"Don't order me around," Pam argued as she freed Jake.

"You really want to do this here, now?" Beth countered, "It's fine whenever Goth does it, but God forbid I should do it."

"That's not-" Pam began.

"So help me, I'll take him if I have to!" the voice cried out, "You think I won't? What could possibly be so important that you need all three of them?!"

"Who is screaming?" Jake asked as he began to come to, "And are you two fighting again?"

"No!" both women snapped at him.

"Why are you both arguing when we're trapped somewhere?" he asked, "I don't know where we are, but it doesn't look friendly and whoever is behind that door doesn't sound happy. We need to focus on getting out of here."

"See, that is exactly what I was saying," Pam argued.

"No, you got huffy because I told you to cut his chains," Beth countered.

"I don't take orders from people," Pam snapped.

"Unless it's to lick Goth's boots, right?" Beth asked, "This just in, my girlfriend is a closet sub!"

"Oh my God, would you two give it a rest?" Jake said as he got up, "At least until we get out of here?"

"She started it!" Pam defended.

"Bullshit," Beth spat, "You're the one who got defensive, and after all that I love you and I'm sorry bullshit you were spouting off."

"It's a sensitive subject for me, you know this!" Pam yelled.

"I don't know anything of the sort!" Beth argued, "How can I when you keep everything inside?!"

"For fuck's sake, give it a rest!" Jake snapped, "We are in unknown territory, we have no idea what's out there waiting for us, and we do not have time for you two to bicker! Let's get out of here so you two can find a spot to have a screaming match or fuck. Honestly, at this point I could care less!"

"Fuck you," Beth spat as her face turned red.

Pam took a deep breath before saying, "He's right, he's right. We need to get out of here, but we aren't through with this little debate. I wont tolerate such disrespect."

"You sound more like Goth than I remember," Beth said, offhandedly and earned a hurt look from Pam.

"Beth, enough," Jake snapped, "That was a low blow, even for you. Pam, let it the fuck go until we get out of here. If we're divided then we're defeated."

"Fine, let's go dickweed," Beth snapped back.

Alexis was furious. She stared down her boss, and ignored the green swirl of lights behind her. They were in front of The Well, Hell's primary source of energy and power, and the love of her life was just beyond the door to her right. She'd done as she was told, carried out every task that had been given to her, but Dorothy insisted that she needed Jake, Beth, and the witch's souls to speed up her process. "I've made my decision, Alexis," Dorothy said, calmly, "Their spirits are too strong for me to pass up, all of them. I need them, end of story."

"For what?!" Alexis demanded, "What is your big plan?! We have all the energy we could ever need, all cities are over two hundred percent, and yet you want more!"

"I never said it was for the cities, did I?" Dorothy replied, "Their souls will be funneled directly into me, and will further my reach into the world of the living."

"You said it yourself, the doors are open," Alexis argued, "You want it? Go right on through and take it, I don't give a shit. I want Jake!"

"There are still those that can oppose my rule, Alexis," Dorothy explained, "The one who was foolish enough to tear a hole between our world and theirs, the ones lurking in the shadows, and other potential threats that lie in wait. My authority must be absolute, unquestionable, and undeniable. To do this, I need as many strong souls as possible. Once I've taken their world, you may have as many toys as you wish. You'll be my right hand, and whatever your heart desires shall be yours."

"Except the one thing I want, you're taking from me!" Alexis countered, "This is such a complete and total load of shit!"

"S-sorry to interrupt, your unholiness," Janette's voice squeaked, "We have an...unexpected development."

"Janette, I swear to fuck, I will rip your horns out if you don't fuck off!" Alexis snapped.

"Calm yourself, Alexis," Dorothy chided before turning to Janette, "What's happened."

"The three you requested, they've escaped," Janette admitted, "I left the scanner upstairs, and somehow they got loose. I've already ordered a search and seizure for the three of them, but I'm afraid they may have already escaped the premises."

"How are you this fucking incompetent?!" Alexis asked, "What sort of moron leaves two heroes and a witch alone?!"

"They were chained down!" Janette argued, "They shouldn't have been able to escape!"

"Alexis has a point, Janette," Dorothy said, "Pamela Lavely is the one who is responsible for the slow filtering of Abigail. You shouldn't have left them unattended."

"The woman who's soul keeps arriving in bits and pieces?" Janette asked, suddenly growing alarmed, "I-I didn't know that. How was I supposed to know that was her doing?"

"Do your homework or ask the right questions," Dorothy replied, "This is your third strike, Janette, we will have to have a serious discussion about this failure. Alexis, I'll need you to locate these three and bring them back to me. You're the most reliable operative I've ever had, and I know you can find them."

"I'm your most reliable, and yet you won't give me shit," Alexis snapped.

"Perhaps I can give you his soul once I'm through," Dorothy said, trying to come up with a compromise, "It should be a simple enough task, but one I will only do if you apprehend them and return them to me."

It was a lie, and Alexis knew it. She'd heard false promises made by Dorothy to the others several times, just like she knew the discussion Janette was going to have was really just another name for her demise. She wasn't going to stand for this, but she also wasn't an imbecile. This was Dorothy's domain, not hers, and she'd need to be smart to beat her. Luckily, she knew a few idiots self sacrificing enough to be of use. She glared at Dorothy before nodding, and she walked over to Janette as she prepared to leave, "You were always kind of annoying, but you were nice," she said, patting the demoness on the shoulder, "Been nice working with ya, Janette...I guess I'm sorry I snapped at you. See ya boss!"

She walked out, and watched as Janette began to shake. It really was a shame, but failure came at a high price around here. Business was business, after all, and down here it really was cut throat. Janette was nice, but she was too naive. Oh well, at least her idiocy gave her a shot at getting what she wanted. She'd tail the three of them, wait until they were a good ways away, and then she'd make her move. It would be nice to catch up with Beth, but she was more than excited about the prospect of having Jake to herself. Hell, maybe Beth would be on board after their time together! Even the pinkette had admitted that she was a step up from Goth.

She took the elevator up to the ground floor, walked through the maze of cubicles towards the door, and started formulating a plan as she walked. The peons on the first level steered clear of her, something she was grateful for, and she kicked the doors to the Spire open. She walked out into the brimstone streets and vowed, "I'm coming for you three, and together we're gonna get me what I want. No more rules, no more regulations, just me and mine, and if that coincides with helping you three then so be it! Hang in there, you three, Footgirl is back and better than ever!"