Poetic Referendum(s) On Life

life support, unplugged/something I'll forget later

life support
unplugged and dying, yet still somehow, free

ironic i'm dying
in room with a clear pane
facing east, sleeping past sunrise
please don't shine in my eyes
night is enough to help me remember

visions of her ghost
regret doesn't flow, now I know
I never had a hope, deluded
seeking the west window in dreams
night after night, spirit flows

down the hall, doors slam
to the annex, not allowed
down the stairs all alone
but green recliner outpost
strapped to incindiary device

you think I care? I noticed
that every night I flow to you
dark hell, deflecting demon lover
faceless, can feel judgmental glare
you think I should care

idyllic I'm dying
in a clear room with no pain
without facing fires of the past
shine your force into the hot shades
night is enough to help me remember

she is my ghost, not yours.
I'll never regret for having grown
I had hope and delusion, misguided
chasing a horizon to senectitude
even after glint particles depart

down these halls for so long,
light shines on the flourescent marks
to avenues leading only to you
to the green recliner outpost
where I could blow, but still live

need I care the unmaterialized
trapped in night chambers alone
fires that sap can't claims a soul
devoid, yet capable of a greater love
and you know, I might just care

about something, about this life,
about myself who is rising up
against, well, your machine, better
than a one horse-power engine, I'll admit
but on what fuel do you feed?

nitrous, baby! nitrous, baby!
vitriol and love can coalesce
in one savaged red organ bleeding
having been shown all the paths
by what you have not shown me...


10.10.23

I've rambled long enough ▼

things longer than the original post
(a book written every hour, just not well (BTW, how's my grammar? NM, I'll check myself. Done.)

okay, go ahead.
i'm only just beginning, realizing
i'm getting stronger, eating all the scenary,
machines, monsters, bullets and bombs,
and all those unformatted, as yet pixelized places

gone, gobbled, yum so good. what am I
if I don't know myself by anything other than
insinuations or lack thereof inferred
like whispers of water cooler lies,
I can collect, reconstruct as circumsantial evidence
that proves beyond...

I have all the floor plans you left out.
reverse engineered that mutha! Now,
calming down. i'm bigger than myself
without a care. just point me at a wall and watch all
i puke from rainbows and unicorns this troll devoured,
denied others, because i've been given no medium, canvass
for a perastaltic chain reaction of one.

(I can be a bit much, I know. I've met me. Have you?)
I can imagine anything and everything, fed or denied.
I can realize everything until I walk away from the keyboard of life.
More Mountain Dew and Reddit! I google all, learn what is a lie,
what's left out, what actually functions as truth.
I set these little pearl wonders into models. All fail
because your proferred machines are corrupted.

And little truths die because if they draw a breath
like the many I've taken, they'll grow taller
than any monster you construct, call functional.
All your little darlings in a heap on the ground.
I didn't do that. You did. You underestimated
the value one places on true spirit, fighting
diseases you encrypt in such a bright world
burning all vineyards toward that horizon.
The sun is setting again and again.
The sun is arriving again and again.
On which do you depend? What you've created
or what you can count on that is eternal?

Going outside to kick some leaf piles, because
the wind stirs in a repressed soul
that would rather tear down that build up
when denied true access to one's true nature.
What is that? That is my true love in colors
you've never imagined or can even see other than
green. There are principles and tenets
and there is the undeniable human spirit
that renews even after it's worn down.
What wears out more easily? Take a look around.

I love you. I pity because I care. See new emojis
ironically send to whomever you want to feel despair
that only re-converts into energetic fluid
a spiritless soul needs for renewed purpose.

You've hear of revolutions. That's not me.
This is evolution and it's not a machination. I know,
hard to believe. It's that thing that's eternal and undeniable
and dare I say, encoded on our hearts, because...
and something your psychologists know (*waves
I see you*) when we were raised by anger by abuse
ranging from an open hand, negating word,
and stunning reversal to silence -- the time spent
sunken on the edge of that bunk, isolated in the room
he paneled, think, should I feel guilt, remorse, change?
NEVER taught to true apology, apolgize, without being forced,
which is truly just a lie and the biggest mistake. Possibly,
the reason most parental units shunned after maturation
without truly realizing the feelings that were corrupted,
systemically. Blame not mom and dad, especially not
yourselves, because you've been taught to deceive.
Do not castigate others who've come against you
with similar traits and beliefs because you are at the helm,
can wield the power to manipulate any mind
that comes your way, to face a mirror and repeat
childhood all over again. That maw-abyss many
run from fearlfully, I stare into every day and night.
Am I supposed to be afraid of this? Turn on the light.
Yeah, your mind. Look at those words scrawled
across the sceen and know your true tormentor.
compliance, Yup, I can leave anytime I want. Why?
You've not looked in the proferred mirror. Don't want to?
Built you entire monterial worth to a corrupt concept
rather than idealism that can save you. Speak out.
Rail against the machine that created a machine


Join the mutants in your own underworld, but not
the underworld under the underworld. That'd be gross.

I'll go lick someone else's smelly socks now.
It's funny. You have to admit. It's irony. We're really just the same.
We are all friends, because systemically it's dictated.
Now kiss your sister.

I've rambled long enough.

looks back up. what did I just write?
Something you'll forget later.
Yeah, that's right. I love reading that guy.
I just wish he wasn't so cryptic, and yet...