My True Soul

Love

I've been thinking a lot tonight and I probably won't have enough time to even type all this up. I need to go to bed in no more than 8 minutes from now. So I'll probably just save it and continue tomorrow. I kinda hate being in love at times. It makes me feel all these things that I'm so not used to. But no matter how much I "hate" love, I honestly do love it. That seems really strange I guess. I'm so ready to be with Sarah. And over the last few days, I've realized some things. And that's why I'm left feeling like I do tonight. It's this final realization that she loves me completely. I've known that she does love me. But it just hit me how much she does and how real her love for me is. I've never felt that, not from my parents nor family. I wonder if she knows how her love effects me. I'm sure she wonders the same. But after I realize all that... I realize how far away she is. How much longer we have to wait. I've never looked her in the eyes, never touched her, but yet, she has my heart and my soul is intwined with hers. My mind starts saying "No, this could be so painful if you were to be hurt", but do you know what my heart does? It rushes right for her... running full speed... to be warm and safe underneath her shield. And the few times my mind does get ahead and block my heart for a moment, she comes out before them and says so simple of words, but her words... and guess what? My mind melts to a puddle, my heart jumps in it and splashes around in the mind puddle and says "haha haha!!! I know where I belong and nothing's gonna stop me!!" Amazing how your heart and mind take on their own personalities.

I'm so ready to go to college in some ways. I know, don't wish away my youth. I'm trying not to. But, I'm never going to grow up, so, lol. Don't wish away my last year, don't wish away my childhood. I'm not. I'm just trying to say that I'm ready to see what there is out there in the world. I want to get my life started because I have a feeling the happiest time of my life will be when I'm 20 or so. I know I've looked forward to being 17 so maybe my looks would change. They have some and I think for the better. I'm looking forward to being 19. And then looking forward to be 21 for many other reasons than the fact I'll be able to drink alcohol. I honestly do not intend on drinking much. Maybe wine, something every now and then, but not much. I don't think alcohol and I mix very well. From the few times I have had more than just a lil sip, I've never felt good about it cause I've always been very ill and angry acting without meaning to be.

But however, some of you make think I'm stupid for this move. My parents offered to get me a BMW Z3 (the 2-seater sports car BMW makes... really nice and I love them) to go to the local college. I turned them down. The cars value will degrade over the years and with the miles. My education may degrade closer to the end of my life... but it won't when I need it the most. It's more important. So maybe this was my first mistake with my choice of college. I think it'll pay off in the long run. Anyway, I'm happy with my new car even though it isn't a BMW.

Which brings up another point. I need to name my car. Or rather I want to. I almost have a friggin' love affair with this car, lol. (J/K babes if you're reading...) (*heh* gotta be more careful!) Seriously tho, I am kinda like er, protective over it? But that could be because it's my "Reality" dream car and has been since I was 13-14 years old. Not to mention the awesome color it is or the cd player or the WONDERFUL air conditioner. (Alright, any of you people who live in the south, you KNOW how great it is to have a car with a freeze your a** off air conditioner. Btw, somehow, 10% of people in the south live without an A/C... if you can help me understand HOW this is possible, write me!) So, I was thinking of the car having a girls name. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Have any of you guys ever heard of Unwritten Law? I really like them. "Hey Little Girl" is a really good song. Yes, it reminds me of my girlfriend. *Hey little girl, who I love, Hey little girl who I love, Hey little girl, oh I love you* I miss her, but this is what my summer consists of. Talking to her about once a week. But, that's alright, it normally gets better once school starts back up. And hey, after this year, I'm done with high school. I start back to school in about 2-3 weeks. I'm kinda sad about that, but I figure, the sooner the better.

I need to find a job sometime this fall. I don't know, I don't wanna work in a fast food place, but as some of you people know, you normally can't get a good job til you're 18 and I lack 5 months being 18. I wanna work in a bookstore, cd store, something interesting. A friend of mine checked on working in Bath and Body Works the other day. They start hiring in October for the holiday season, that'd be alright. Work until the end of December... get around $800. (Roughly people) And have the $1500 I want to save up.

Anyways, my friend and I are talking, so I'm going to go! Bye!