My True Soul

Weirdness

Have any of you stepped out right before a Thunderstorm and just watched and breathed? I've always felt this weird charge from it. I guess maybe it's just in my mind. Everything gives off this surreal look. I get lost in it quite often. Just start thinking about stuff. From minor lil things to more serious things. I love the feeling though. I love thunderstorms, the thunder, the lightning, the rain, the electricity smell. I thrive off them almost. Maybe I'm crazy. Increasingly drawn to them. I've been lost to my own world today. I went shopping with my parents and their best friend. I started thinking, I wonder how many kids my age do that and not mind. In some ways, I'd much rather be with my parents than my friends, at least the majority of my friends. A few of them are really cool.

I went into this store today, the girl looked to be in college at first. Well, most of the time we're in there, she's on the phone talking to her friends. Talking about how this guy liked her or someone, got treated really bad, alright, so guys... she's talking like a typical teenager. I'm thinking "okay, she has to be a junior or a senior, which means she's the same age as me, roughly" It amazes me and makes me wonder... am I that bad about sounding immature? I hope not, I know I am immature, but not that bad, please?!?! If I am, I want someone to shoot me. I have the guns and the ammo!


Alright, this is pretty weird. My father is talking about some of the same freaky s*** that happens to me. Brr, geez, I hate cold chills. I really wish you guys could hear this. My dad and I are quite a bit alike in some ways, but I can balance some of the things about him that are taken to extremes. Like my mother does. He has people always telling him things about their lives, opening up to him so easily, trusting him, and always respecting him. Which, I think, I have some of that. He can work out problems easily, especially with other people. Maybe not so much in his own relationships because he feels that he should be able to fully express something with someone who loves him. He can say hurtful things that can really cut you deep because he just knows. It's so bizarre. I don't think I have the ability to just know until I really open up. Maybe I don't even then. He has people tell him things when he needs to hear them. Has people sometimes say something he's thinking and he's telling all this stuff tonight. My girlfriend tells me things I'm thinking all the time. (Like she's reading it from a piece of paper, not guessing) She says it's me. But, I don't know honestly. *scrunches forehead* He had a woman, he didn't know, turn to him and tell him "It's not your time, you'll be here for a long time. Many people will depend on you" My dad is a union president, so he leads 200+ union members in making decisions, and etc. He is the go-between for my aunt and uncle. And always seems to be able to work problems out well. I hate how he knows me so well without talking to me. There are some really qwirky things that we both think and both do. And no matter what I do, his approval is like gold. I've learned not to let what he says really get to me, but few things compare to the feeling I get when I know he thinks something I've done or am going to do is really great. Or when he's proud of me. That's even worse with Sarah. I've never had someone beat out the feelings of approval or disapproval my parents have given me until her. It's a good thing, if ya can understand. *sighs* I don't know. I never talk to my parents about weird stuff. I've had several premonitions come true lately. I guess everyone does. I have always experienced deja vu... extremities of it at times. And magic has always interested me. I'm so curious about it, but I hear so many things about how it isn't true, that I just stay back and figure it'll come to me. I did quite a bit of research on magic when I was 15. I learned a lot and it still is with me today. I have a book about magic/paganism, always have been terrified my parents would find it, but I think I will read it some tonight. I've read most of it already, but, my mind is really turning tonight. Have been asked before if there was anyone in my family who could do anything kinda "weird", dealing with magic, powers, etc., whatever you'd like to call them. I didn't know, my parents are pretty much the only ones I'm close to, lol. I don't have a big happy family at all. Anyway, tonight, my father tells about one of my great aunts being able to read cards. To always pull out the 6's in a deck, to pull out the Ace of Spades, how each card had a certain meaning. I'm thinking "right" but he went on, he's saw it, and he sounded serious. That's pretty cool to me. But then he goes on and he tells me that my aunt, his sister, can do it too. That just really put a new spin on it. First, I act like my dad, while admittedly, I get quite a few traits from my momma, I get a lot of my traits from my dad in of course, a female form, which is basically from my aunt. I wonder about my grandmother now... ? Hrm, anyway. That makes me wonder, do I possess any of the same things? I've been trying to answer that question especially over the last 3 years. Maybe that's why I've been drawn to magic. Maybe that's why I can relate to people well. I don't know yet. Or maybe we're all a little insane. The rest of the night, I'll be looking things up online, lol. I already know. My parents best friend was talking about going to see a psychic, quite a while back, we're talking 10+ years. Said a lot of freaky stuff came true. I've wanted to go to a psychic since I was 16. I'm thinking maybe my friend Lily will go with me. If not, I have a feeling Sarah would later on. That's one more great thing about Sarah, she's my best friend. I always want to be her best friend or one of them.

Well, I think I have done quite a bit for the night, lol. I'll write again! I need to write back a few friends.