My True Soul

Tarzan

It's kinda hard to watch a movie where the theme song also happens to be "our song" from the last relationship you were in. The last "our song" was Phil Collins "You'll Be in My Heart" which is a really great song...but yeah, they play it like 3-4 times through the movie and if it's not with lyrics it's the tune and I know the words pretty well. That kinda brought my mood down. But then watching Jane and Tarzan... *sad face* it makes me wanna cry. I'm not quite sure why. Probably because I want that, because of thinking back, because of missing it all....etc. I started not to watch it...but then I was like "I should so I can get over letting it affect me" but I feel sad now.

My aunt and uncle are here. I like my aunt to a certain degree, but I don't like my uncle so much. And honestly? I wanted to just come home and chill like it was before. Gina on Saturday, parents, friends, and me.

I'm now currently kinda debating about the book Ethan Frome by Edith Wharton. My friend is wanting to be completely logical about them and saying they coulda picked other methods to committ suicide. They coulda taken a train and lived together. It's not about that, it's not about what they could have done. It's about why they did, it's about them not being able to be together any other way. It's about how he was obligated to his wife, to his place, how he couldn't be with her, how they were having so much fun in that moment and didn't want it to end. Anyways, that's one of my favorite books. I try to appreciate all the books I read and there are not many that I just really dislike. Wasn't fond of The Heart of Darkness.

I'm talking to Jake about homosexuality and stuff. He said he's all for gay rights but he thinks there's too much pressure on the subject and I admit, there is. And yes, I stress it. Why? It's important to me. Because if I don't stand up for it, then that's one less person and that's something that counts. Anyways, we're arguing about this. We're both against it being displayed so sexually, ya know? But that's the only way that some people will realize that there is an issue. Grr, this is annoying me. I guess because I see it in a totally different manner than he does because I know. I want to go to bed. I want to be like "let's just drop it" and go to bed. I want to rant. But anyways. What brought this about was him saying that he saw a gay sex book...said that wasn't a wise choice to have a gay sex book out. I said "and they have heterosexual books that are just the same" so why does it matter? He thinks that book wasn't tactful. None of them are. But, why say that bout that one book? It's an advertising ploy for it to have a naked man on there. It has nothing to do with homosexuality. That's why they have naked men and women for heterosexual books like that. Another point is that homosexuals are fighting for equal right just as most races (besides those who are caucasion in the U.S.) have fought for their rights, as disabled people have, as women have, as different ethnicities have. It's just the phase of homosexual rights instead of women's rights, etc. It's just another phase. Anyways... *sighs* he's for equal rights and all that...but yeah. He said he was sorry and I said it's okay and that I was kinda used to it. Then he said "aww bob " and said sorry again. But, yeah. I fought back with him cause I could...because I never can when it really matters. I can't fight back with my parents too much.

My friends who do know, they hate it when they hear someone going on and on about gays and lesbians because they know me I guess. Eric told me he hated to hear that... it makes him want to yell at people for it. Lily will tell people off for it. I don't know. After you hear most of the people around you diss it constantly, you gotta learn to ignore it or else you get hurt and get upset more than you need to.

My friend Hepher confused me. She always has. Tonight she suggests we cyber, jokingly I suppose, I say something, then she's like "that's not turning me on" and... yeah... just that. It's almost like flirting but not because she's not supposed to mean it and I'm just too much like "whoa, why is she saying this stuff and always doing this" cause it just baffles me. Kat'll do something like that and I know she's playing around... she laughs, she does something that lets you know that it's not her intention.

Get this: Today I'm going out with my mom at first, then with Lily later until only god knows when. Tuesday I think Hepher wants to go out and talk. Wednesday/Thursday I'm gonna do something with Shorty. Big week. Fun fun. Brr, I'm cold. And I'm sad, and yeah. I'm gonna go now.