Mental Meanderings

Why bother - when I don't want to write my blog

I've really nothing to say to you! No not you avid reader, YOU the blank page. You see, in my inbox is one of these lovely reminders about my blog. And in truth I know she would like to hear from me today since it's actually been more than 24 hours since my last entry. I don't really want to bother. I don't have anything to say. Why Bother!

Ok, so you're picking up on a rather melancholy mood. Well Duh! But time is time I suppose so here goes.

Did my 20 minutes this morning. It was jilted and I didn't finish the scene. It sucks. I already know I'm likely to rewrite the whole lot when I come back to it after the first draft is finished. I'm already dreading the editing/rewriting phrase to come and I'm basically feeling very down. I might be writing decent chunks of length and at least I'm getting the basics of the story on the page which is better than I've ever really done. But come on, do I have to be such a terrible writer? Why does everything I write sound terrible. I write like a fifth grader. Who's going to want to read this crap?

Yep, again, having a bad day. I think it's emotional overload. I know I wasn't feeling quite this terrible this morning. I was a little grumpy this morning, and a little detached. I couldn't get interested in anything. The feeling sucks.

Went to the Zoo today. More emotional overload. To tell the truth it wasn't so bad. I thought going out for the day with my ex would be hard but we fell into patterns of old. Almost as if we were still together except I paid for me and the kids and was a lot more confident making choices and doing things for myself. Oh and of course we didn't do any touching, kissing, cuddling or even holding hands. The surprising thing is I'm not longer wishing I could do those things with him. No instead of wishing he'd just hold me occasionally I wish 'he' wouldn't. That's not to say I'm not wishing some man would. Yes, I know, emotional overload.

Today was research as well as pleasure. Kaylie loved the Zoo and I knew she would. But I've got some idea's running around in my head. Today I was analising all the things we could do that the Zoo. We being Emma and Jake of course because it's really them. They're going to have a lot more fun than I did today. After all they are 'in love' even if they aren't calling it that yet. And I'm going to add some interesting things that didn't actually happen today at the Zoo. A camel ride, holding a tamaran monkey, feeding the kangaroo's and watching the crocodile get fed. All things that could have happened today if we'd have been intent on having those sorts of things happen. Paul isn't really open to having interesting experiences. So we didn't do much more than wander around looking at the animals.

I have so many photo's of everything. 130 photo's. Digital camera's rock. Only problem is since I reformated my drive I don't have my graphics program installed yet. I'll have to dig up the disk to install it so I can get to playing with the pictures. I've got some great Meerkat shots. Oh and I had one of those Scene to Believe images taken of Kaylie and Josh. It looks like they are sitting with the lions.

Well, there you go, an entry. Boring, dull, uninspired as it may be. But an entry all the same so I can now tell my inbox reminder where to go. Till next time, have fun and keep writing, avid reader. Oh, and shut the hell up Blog.