Mental Meanderings

Chapter 01 - The Dating Game - Second Draft

Hey everyone, well as I mentioned in my Harry Potter post below I've gotten back to my novel with a little more confidence and have finally completed the second draft of the first chapter and I've posted into The Dating Game book. The book is protected by a passkey because I want to restrict the viewing (to prevent copyright problems) and I also want to know who is reading it. If you'd like to help me by reading the chapters as a reviewer I'd really appreciate your assistance. Please contact me and I'll add you to my reviewer list and let you know the passkey so you can check it out.

I was actually pleasantly surprised. As I write my inner critique is constantly bombarding me with how terrible it all sounds and how immature and amatuer it all is. I know I'm still technically new to all this and I just don't have the confidence to believe I can write something worth reading.

It's a terrible feeling. All I've ever wanted, all I've ever strived for career was, is becoming a published author. But so far all my accomplishments seem so small, so pittiful and often mostly luck or chance. I've been told I'm good but I've never really believed it. I put down compliments as peoples lack of knowledge about how writing should be or simple flattery because they don't want to hurt my feelings.

I know I should do this to myself. It's the self-defeat that prevents any action and it's most certainly the fear of failure that prevents me from striving directly for my dreams. I have to admit also that I'm terrified I am good enough. I mean what if I write this book and it's great. Then I've got to move into more uncharted waters. I've got to submit and deal with rejection from the publisher level. And then of course there's the what if it's accepted. I don't know much about where things go from there and it's more scary uncertainty. Not to mention the fact that once this book is over I don't want to believe I could be a one hit wonder. So I'd have to write another book.

I can't help but wonder if I really have anything at all to say. I don't have anything to share with the world. Why would anyone want to read anything I write? Do I have a unique message, an interesting story that will touch the hearts of readers? I hope so but sometimes I can't help wondering if I'm just writing a load of meaningless crap.

I know, it's these kinds of comments that are holding me back. I have to believe in myself but I don't know how to. I suppose I just have to plod along on the risk that I suck. It's not like I've got anything better to do. I'm raising two kids and I don't plan to get back into the retail business which is about all I'm qualified for. So, put my time to writing instead of wasting it on the mundane things that don't move me forward.

At least, take the chance that I can do this. The dream is worth it. Courage is being afraid but doing it anyway. That affirmation always makes me feel wonderful. So, who's up for my first chapter? Only honest reviewers accepted.