Snow Melt

Necessity

12 Nur 164 B.E. – Saturday, June 16, 2007

There are lots of necessities in life. For me writing is a necessity, food is a necessity, faith is a necessity, money is a necessity, time is a necessity, prayer is a necessity, etc. I’m not sure what kind of tests I’m going through right now. I do know that everything seems to be more difficult; when I make a decision to do something or not to do something any more, then obstacles fall across my path.

Perhaps I’m seeing problems where they don’t exist. Perhaps I’m looking at shadows which will disappear when I reach them. I’m not even sure that what I’m writing makes any sense. All I know it that, I make things more difficult for myself by the way I think. OK, is that a mental test or what?

I feel that I’m just waking up from a dream and I’ve found myself on another planet. Nothing is like I thought it was. Where I thought snow was white it’s now green (I’m not even going to mention yellow snow here). Where I thought rain was wet it’s now dry. Nothing seems the same as it used to be, I know this sound crazy (or is the word insane) and illogical. I don’t know if things are falling apart or whether my life is screwed up or not. I suspect if I keep writing long enough I’ll get to the root of the problem. I just don’t seem to have time to write that long.

I have two more sections of the house to unclutter tonight and tomorrow. Then I have to mop the floors. The problem with the mop is it’s a sponge mop that doesn’t appear to get the dirt up properly. I get the feeling I’m not wanted. I have a feeling of alienation. I’m complaining, I’m bitching and, oddly enough, smiling while I’m writing this rant.

Now my inner critic is interfering, or maybe “he” is continuing to interfere and I’m just noticing the “impossible” and “you can’t” messages more. I want a vacation from tests and difficulties and I’m not getting it. I just keep getting more tests and difficulties. Everything is stacking up and making a wall between the future and me. I think I’ll try a different approach, I think I’ll attempt to be more thankful. See if that changes the situation. I didn’t make a Thankful Thursday entry, but I suppose I can figure out what I’m grateful for today and make the entry. It’ll be a bit late, but it will be an entry.

This has not been a good morning. It probably isn’t the worst morning, but it hasn’t been a good one. I have to go to the bank, I have to make a payment on the power bill, I have to pick up meds for Mom. Then this evening I have a 5:00 PM meeting across town and 7:00 PM reservations to eat with someone. I’m going close this rant and do something else.

Apparently ranting is a necessity. If I look very hard, I can find other necessities as well. I know I could use some assistance, but I’ve been informed or at least given the impression that assistance is not going to be given and that I shouldn’t ask again. I’m really going to close this time, because I think I’m ranted out for the present. Although that may change as the day wears on.