Snow Melt

I Think I'm Recovering

9 'Izzat 164 B.E. - Sunday, September 16, 2007 about 2:31 PM PDT

I think my optimistic self is coming back. I'm feeling positive, I can see the light coming through the clouds or maybe I'm just looking at the light again. I haven't wanted to write too much about my dark mood. Sometimes when I'm in the darkness I can write about it and sometimes I have to leave before I can write about the experience.

There are a few things that help me which includes the prayers revealed by Baha'u'llah. I've also found that housework seems to have an interesting effect on me. It causes me to be more optimistic, maybe it's because I'm using energy and that helps dispel the darkness. An interesting thing about mopping floors is the desire to cry.

I cry while I mop floors. I noticed it before when I got on my hands and knees to scrub the tile, but it's the same using a spaghetti mop. I want to cry while I'm mopping the floor. Every since last December 24, when I turned 60 I've noticed several interesting things about myself. I know it has nothing to do with the change because I went through that five or six years ago.

Actually what I've noticed about myself has nothing to do with anything physical. It is a spiritual thing. My faith is increasing and my inner critic is attempting to stop me from writing or doing anything that will help me progress spiritually. I know that humans have a tendency to put the blame on someone else. However, my inner critic is just a part of me, the part that's afraid of success. I'm the only one who can control The Critic and I'm finding that easier to do.

I have a lot of work both on line and off line, as well as reviews. I'm going to catch up on the writing and reviews this month. The housework as well, since I go the new mop my life has taken on a different focus. I'm not sure that the mop itself has a lot to do with it, it's just the idea of finally getting it. Now I can focus on other things like getting cartridges for my printer and a new office chair for my desk.