C.R.E.A.M.

Pilot

Welcome to my first attempt at writing anything in a few years.

I am a 21 year old male, living in England studying English Literature and after a rampant ghost train of distressing thoughts and ideas hurtling through my mind, screaming about my life and how far I have not come as a human being, I have decided to put my foot down and regain some control over what I am doing with myself. This blog is in part to help with my issues with reading comprehension and trying to revive the once very live spark of creative flair within my blood, that has since been extinguished (worryingly) upon arrival at University. My writing may not come across as particularly coherent, well punctuated or grammatically correct to begin with, I hope to break through the rust and rectify this as quickly as possible!

An explanation of the title of this blog is perhaps in order. As I sit here rather sleep deprived in this large and heaving library, it suddenly hit me that I really don't know how to learn. After five years in secondary school education, two years in college and now in my third and final year at University, you would have thought that learning had become a pretty simple endeavour, alas, this is not so. I actually found myself walking to the first floor of the library, as if that represents some kind of digression from my cosy position on the third, to pick out a book entitled 'The Study Skills Handbook'. Honesty prevents me from describing this book to you as an intellectual hybrid of ideas regarding how one learns on the subtle psychological levels, underlining the processes that happen when we comprehend these black marks on a white background - it is literally a book on how one can organise themselves in learning at University in its most basic and condescending form.

The evidence for my intellectual regression is fairly obvious. I have failed to achieve a 70% + in any of my essays here at University and have subjected my brain cells to a pretty consistent barrage of alcohol and other substances usually floating around any university campus. My social endeavours have not only cost me valuable brain cells, but has also lead to a rather devastating dent in my wallet, resulting in many financial issues and making the indulgence in whipped cream far from my reach. Countless meals with no taste have rendered me in a state of perpetual fear of leaving this academic forum with no means of supporting myself financially and, such is the nature of our society, removed from the chaotic breeding grounds of the modern day. So, how does this relate to cream? To be honest, this blog was the result of a spontaneous overflow of feelings1 and a title that came to mind that both represented my issues with learning and with money were expandable in the above acronym: Creative, Reflective, Effective, Active, Motivated (a helpful little tool from my new found Study Skills Handbook). On the opposite side of the literary spectrum, a jolt of inspiration from the Wu-Tang Clan called for a fitting double entendre of 'Cash Rules Everything Around Me' (the lyrics of the chorus go on to say: 'Cream! Get the money, dollar-dollar bill y'aaallll).

This double meaning to the title of this blog does hold significance which I think is important in explaining, to let whatever potential readers know what they are getting themselves in to, as well as reminding the author of its purpose. The 'creative, reflective, effective, active, motivated' jingle is really an important message to me, as this is a year I truly wish to achieve academic success of some kind. Every time I left an essay to the last minute, I was in a cold-sweat state of panic about how much I had to get done in such little time. I still wish to feel that, but I wish it to be in the situation of finding myself teetering on the edge of finally making it perfect - not finally hitting the required word count. This blog aims to call into question my daily activities and see what it is I have done to work towards that goal. Along with this academic purpose, the rather odd mention of the Wu-Tang Clan and their lyrics about money strikes a chord with me in a big way. I have had moral and ethical differences with the way this world is run. The way that the 'common man' is exploited for money in all sorts of different ways and how there are pressures on us to succeed or literally be no-one. Of course, this is an extrinsic influence that has corrupted my young mind, but I have reached a stage where I am tired of being a discardable life in this world. I consider the lives of the rich and how many doors are open to them. I think, ultimately, I would like to see the world, crawl up onto some ledge in the Kaatskill mountains and write my feelings about life, void of any direct human intervention. Put my head back and breath in the cool, damp air. Feel the hot, heavy ground of busy streets in eastern Asia - this is not open to me in my situation. And so, my obsession and now unconfined approach to chasing a career and chasing a means of making money is very much in my mind. I wish to enjoy the finer things in life, even with the underlying belief that it may not be as good as I think it will be, that a simpler life may be more important and that my motivations now are the result of subtle conditioning as opposed to fear and anger about my life so far.

I hope this to be the first of many posts about my days here in and out of the library. I hope to achieve something and I hope this is the beginning of a beautiful journey that I can document and look back on.

Footnotes
1  Wordsworth, Preface to Lyrical Ballads